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As always, a quick reminder of what you can expect in each edition of Reading Between the Lines…

1. My thinking is here in the newsletter. Links are for diving deeper.

2. I strive to deliver ‘news you can use’.

3. I also share insights into human behavior and topics I’m thinking about.

4. I include amusing or interesting “slice of life” moments.

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Building Empathy Muscles in Business is More than a Lark

Part of my mission is to shift a paradigm, helping people to view empathy not as a weakness, but instead embrace it as the super power it is. It strengthens our decision making, communication, and leadership skills.

One way to do that is through trainings, which engage participants so they can see for themselves the power of using empathy in the workplace. Last month I had the privilege of leading an empathy training for the team at Hoplark in Boulder, Colorado. At any company or organization there are opportunities to dial up (or down) the amount of empathy being used in day-to-day activities. From internal communications and relationships to external facing meetings, consumer engagements and customer sales calls.

I’ve learned over the years from my friend and mentor Eric Snyder to follow a simple yet powerful structure to training sessions: learn, practice, and apply. This means present information in a way that people can learn, give them an opportunity to practice and then create pathways for application that extend beyond the training.

As the session at Hoplark got underway, we gathered around to discuss specific issues where it can be challenging to use empathy —whether it's dealing with client dynamics, navigating workflow hiccups, or smoothing out team interactions. These are the real experiences of the people in the room, and we listen to each one carefully. I wrote them up on flip charts so it stays in the room and we can all keep them in mind as we continue to learn. (Powerpoint lists disappear as soon as the slide changes and some things you want to keep in the room in order to address them fully.)

Once we have those lists, I dive into the learning, clearing up misconceptions about empathy and sharing data about the effect this super power can have.

And then I move into the 5 Steps to Empathy™.

But before you can take that first step, it helps to take a Curious Breath.

Yes, the "Curious Breath." It's a small but mighty practice that can change the way we respond to the world around us. Picture this: you're in a heated discussion, emotions are running high, and you're on the brink of reacting, saying something you might regret. Instead, you pause, take a deep breath, and create a moment of clarity. In that clarity, you are able to decide how to respond.

The Curious Breath starts with a deep inhale, feeling your lungs fill with air, and giving yourself a moment to pause. As you breath in and get to the ‘top’ of the breath, you feel your lungs expand and press into your ribs, making more room. That space reaches into your headspace as well. It brings you into the present. Then, you exhale, releasing tension and making space for thoughtful reflection. It’s during that reflection that you have time to decide how you are going to respond instead of merely react.

This practice is a proven game-changer, and every Hoplark team member listed this pre-step before the 5 Steps as their most valuable takeaway from the workshop.

One of my favorite parts of the training is the Ice Cream Exercise. It’s a simple yet profound activity I created to help illustrate Step 4: Integrate into Understanding that brings a scoop of joy alongside the learning. I outlined how to play in the last edition of the newsletter tied to National Ice Cream Day. In the context of the training, the Ice Cream Exercise and other role playing and quick activities help people practice what they are learning.

As we near the end of the training session, we revisit those stories. This time, participants team up and role-play solutions, allowing everyone to practice the empathy skills they've learned in context to their work situation.

Because empathy is useful in every part of our life - both work and at home - I strive to connect the dots so the participants leave with a toolkit for life—one that helps them approach every conversation with curiosity and a desire to understand.

And the training doesn’t end at the end of the session. Afterward we establish a Community of Practice with different activities and additional content so the participants can work on applying what they’ve learned.

I’m delighted to say the Hoplark team has already reported taking Curious Breaths, Dismantling their Judgment (Step 1), and Asking Good Questions (Step 2) more frequently in their day to day work. Great job everyone!!!

In the end, empathy training isn't just about learning new skills; it's about transformation. It's about seeing the world through the eyes of others, understanding their feelings and motivations, and finding common ground where it seems none exists. Whether we're choosing ice cream flavors or navigating complex workplace dynamics, empathy helps us connect and collaborate more effectively.

If you're curious about an Empathy Training session or have specific questions, please reach out. Let's explore how we can improve your business results and workplace together.

Q: Help! I’m a childless cat owner. What do I say in response to the latest political jabs?

A: This just happened to me on Friday. I was interviewing Jennifer from SC, one of the Navigating to a New Normal participants and we were covering off all the different political events of the past few months. As we talked about the Republican Vice President candidate Senator JD Vance, Jennifer, the participant who is also a Republican, said she had heard about his childless women who are cat owners comments. She told me that, as a parent, she could understand that perspective. How a parent might be more focused on the future they are creating for their own children than someone who doesn’t have kids.

I took a curious breath as I often do when she and I talk politics. I do that in order to gather my thoughts and respond respectfully rather than getting defensive or emotional. I am in a situation where I am “interviewing” her although after four years, the interviews have a much more conversational feel to them than when I’m interviewing a stranger for the first time.

Like I said, had I not taken a curious breath, I might have made a derogatory remark about Sen. Vance. Instead, I took an approach that I thought would help Jennifer have empathy with people who are childless and also own cats. People like me.

I calmly told her that, as a childless gay cat dad of 3, I think about my nephews and nieces and the world I’m creating for them. I also think about humanity in general and the world we are going to leave behind. So I didn’t think that just because someone doesn’t have children doesn’t mean they don’t care about the future of the country or the planet, they just have a different lived experience but it doesn’t mean they care less. She heard what I was saying and acknowledged that it made sense.

So what I did there and suggest for anyone in these situations is to: 1) take a curious breath; 2) dismantle your judgment toward the other person; 3) ask them to see your point of view; 4) do your best to remember the human connection you have with the other person and stay calm. Additional curious breaths may be required.

Jennifer and talked politics for nearly an hour on Friday and while we agreed to disagree on many topics and candidates, we have found a way to share our thoughts and perspective without it getting heated. I think it’s an example of how there is a way forward to talk politics with people of differing views.

Email me if you’d like me to create a short reel of that discussion so you can see how I handled it in the moment. And see below for links to other editions when I’ve covered related topics. Given the current climate, I have a feeling this won’t be the last.

ICYMI: Empathy & Differing Perspectives

In recent months, I've focused a lot on the vital role of empathy when engaging with people who hold differing perspectives. It's a crucial skill at any time, but it's particularly relevant during an election year, providing us with ample opportunities to practice. In case you missed it, here are some key posts that explore this theme:

• How Do You Respond to This?
  I shared a story about a discussion with a research participant regarding his views on gun ownership. I used the 5 Steps to deepen our understanding during that conversation. Read more.

• Q&A: How Do I Talk Politics?
  As Super Tuesday was approaching, a reader asked how to discuss politics effectively. Read the Q&A and find more specific advice for political conversations here.

• How to Use Empathy in Times of Terror
  The tragic events in Gaza and the incidents on October 7 have been challenging to discuss due to the intense emotions involved. I wrote about using empathy during these difficult times and provided tips for preparing for challenging conversations. Explore more and additional guidance here.

• Navigating Different Perspectives
  In the latest issue of Reading Between the Lines, released immediately after the recent assassination attempt, I shared three essential tips for interacting with people who may have different viewpoints—whether political or otherwise. Learn more.

Do you have any questions about navigating differing perspectives that you'd like to explore? I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts.

I hope you liked this edition.

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Reading Between the Lines delivers of-the-moment insights into empathy and human behavior; expect practical tips on using the skill of empathy in everyday life and exclusive updates to keep my community close. All on a biweekly basis.