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As always, a quick reminder of what you can expect in each edition of Reading Between the Lines…

1. My thinking is here in the newsletter. Links are for diving deeper.

2. I strive to deliver ‘news you can use’.

3. I also share insights into human behavior and topics I’m thinking about.

4. I include amusing or interesting “slice of life” moments.

5. The Q&A feature is based on questions that come up in conversation - please send me your questions!

6. I’d like to hear your thoughts- ‘reply’ to this email or reach out directly to: [email protected]

Win a signed copy of my book (or two!)

My book, Tell Me More About That: Solving the Empathy Crisis One Conversation at a Time is officially 2 years old! 🎉 There’s still time for you to join in on a celebratory giveaway by referring people you know who you think might enjoy this newsletter.

The two individuals who refer the most new subscribers will each win a personally signed copy of my book. Keep it for yourself or spread the joy by gifting it to someone special!

Additionally, I'll randomly select two lucky names from the new subscribers you refer. Each of them will also receive a signed copy of my book, straight to their doorstep.

What do you need to do to participate? It's simple:

Click the "Click to Share" button below and spread the word by forwarding this email to as many people as you'd like!

We’ll run this thru the end of February and will draw the recipients in early March. Thank you in advance!

Wanting to Want to Have Understanding

Two of my favorite people, Pepper Miller and Mallory Waxman, invited me into a recent conversation for Mallory’s excellent podcast, For Your Listening Pleasure. 

In the episode, Pepper, Mallory and I have a very open and honest conversation about what it means to be a minority today, how that has and hasn’t changed, and much more. I learned the origins of the word ‘woke’ (very grateful for that!) and we discussed how to approach people from cultures different from you to ask questions to learn. This one is definitely worth a listen.

Q&A: SuperTuesday is coming. How do I talk to people about the primaries?

While we treat politics like sport at times, it’s much more than that. There are real life consequences for the people affected by a ballot measure, or the policies of the candidate who goes on to win the election.

Like the bonding that occurs with a love of the same sports team, we have more empathy with people who are within our party. Studies have found that we are more likely to help someone in need if we know they are of the same political persuasion. That’s because we identify and relate to them, projecting our understanding on them. If you know someone is different from you, you are less likely to help them out, even though we’re all citizens of the same country.

How we engage with people after an election is important if we hope to try to work together to solve the challenges that face us. If you are on the “winning” side, remember to be gracious. People on the other side may believe strongly in their cause or candidate. They may personally be impacted by the results. Show them some understanding. Be curious and ask questions about what made that candidate or cause so important for them. Stay open to what they have to say and try to imagine what it might feel like.

Similarly, if you are on the losing side, offer congratulations. Ask questions about what the issues that you are concerned with mean to the person on the winning side. Offer how you might be able to work together. Be willing to share your concerns.

For any conversation before or after the election, remember to be curious, dismantle your judgment. Find common ground to maintain or build connections. Share your perspective and how the election makes you feel. Listen to others the way you want to be listened to. It may not feel good in the moment but if we are committed to overcoming our differences, this is a good place to start.

Let me know how it goes!

It’s ok to love yourself. Here’s how to start.

RuPaul ends every episode of Drag Race with the saying “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love someone else.” Viola Davis talked on the red carpet last year about the importance of the relationship you have with yourself before you can be in a relationship with someone else.

I brought this discussion to Good Things Utah just before Valentine’s Day. Watch the segment to learn more about self-empathy, turning the inner critic into a cheerleader and how to celebrate your relationship.

A Follow-Up on the Conspiracy Conversation…

Thank you for all your comments from the piece in the last newsletter about my conversation with Chris and their beliefs on school shootings. I ended up having a similar conversation with another research participant a week later. It was right after the shooting in Kansas City at the Chiefs victory parade. The participant lives in the area and attended the parade. They revealed that, in conversation with friends the next day, the information that was being revealed wasn’t adding up, which was leading them to wonder if it was a cover-up. I took the opportunity to introduce the idea of school shootings being manufactured by the anti-gun lobby, as Chris had conveyed to me.

And they didn’t disagree. Again.

This time I probed further to try to understand what part of these events wasn’t making sense. They were unable to provide any one aspect that seemed implausible. It just didn’t add up so instead of accepting that, it became easier to embrace conspiracy.

I asked what it would mean if it were true that people are getting hold of guns, entering schools and killing innocent kids and teachers. The reply I got was that guns don’t kill people, people kill people and that we need to provide better mental health services. They proceeded to share a story of a relative who had a severe mental health illness and the state system was slow to respond and ultimately the relative died after not receiving proper care.

There are studies that explore why people are prone to believe conspiracy theories. This one found it wasn’t due to stereotypes of people being simple-minded or mentally unwell themselves but rather that there is a need to “understand and feel safe in their environment” and to feel their group is superior to others.

What I’m also learning, thanks to conversations with those that have written in, is that we can’t force facts on someone who has embraced the conspiracy theory. The “intellectual elite” has a reputation for being snobs and know-it-alls and if, in debating an issue, that attitude comes across, then it can shut the other person down and prevent progress.

Taking a Curious Breath and using the 5 Steps to Empathy can be a big help in these situations.

Back to My Future?

Some of you may recall how last fall I stepped into the Chairman role at the insights and strategy firm I founded, Ignite 360. You might also recall how I talked a lot in January about the importance of setting intentions which are fluid rather than resolutions which are fixed. That mindset shift helps adapt to the curveballs life throws your way. I got tossed a curveball recently when the CEO of Ignite 360 resigned and I decided to return to the organization.

I’m continuing to do the Empathy Activist work, including this newsletter and do the speaking and media appearances. In fact, I just booked two empathy speaking engagements last week!

I am returning to Ignite 360 but I’m being deliberate in identifying myself as the 3rd CEO. That’s to help remind me and the team that we’re in a different place and we aren’t going back, we’re moving forward. This will mean showing up in new ways and working differently to achieve the company’s goals.

Ever the optimist and the Enneagram 7, I’m excited to have this 2nd chance to move things forward. This time at an established company with a great team and a reputation for doing amazing work. Ignite 360, here we go!

I hope you liked this edition.

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Reading Between the Lines delivers of-the-moment insights into empathy and human behavior; expect practical tips on using the skill of empathy in everyday life and exclusive updates to keep my community close. All on a biweekly basis.