On a Collision Course with Empathy

On a recent Tuesday morning I was on my way to Boston’s Logan airport, still on the outer loop of 495 when the accident happened.

The traffic had opened up and we were all traveling at a good speed. Just up ahead of me, maybe 50 yards ahead, I saw the tractor-trailer move back and forth while a car appeared to be going under it or into it.

At 60 mph, everything was moving in slow motion. Cars looked like they were pinballs pinging across the highway trying to avoid the accident. The truck and the first vehicle in the accident were coming at me, which seemed weird since I was behind them. I’ve since realized that I was moving toward them faster than they were moving away and it created an optical illusion in my brain.

I swerved into an adjacent lane and somehow got around the cars that were still colliding. I caught of a passenger in one of the other cars trying to get around the wreck-in-progress. Holding onto the handle above the window on the passenger side while the driver performed evasive manuvers.

As I broke out of the orbit of the accident I could see in my rearview mirror was still in progress, I began to pull over into the breakdown lane to call 911. This accident was bad, someone must be hurt.

And that’s when I was suddenly thrown back into my seat, my head hitting the head rest, the all too familiar sound of crunching metal filling the car.

I had been rear-ended by another car, at a high speed, in the breakdown lane, when all the rest of the traffic was behind me. What was this???

Now having a personal reason to call 911, not just out of compassion, I got out of the car to check on the other driver(s). There were 6 vehicles involved. First responders arrived. Feeling a tinge of a headache and tension in my neck and shoulders, I thought it best if the paramedics checked me out in an abundance of caution.

[Note: Here’s a resource to help know if your headrest is adjusted correctly. Thank you to Ronald Z for first sharing this on LinkedIn!]

I waited by my car for the ambulance to arrive and that’s when I noticed how my thoughts were racing from the shock. “I was ahead of the accident. How did this happen? How did this other car that was in the accident come up from behind and strike me at such speed?” I couldn’t put it all together.

When my blood pressure was 210/really high, the paramedics suggested I go to the hospital for further evaluation. They strapped me in, put on a neck brace for precaution and off we went.

And this is when I really started to notice how empathy shows up with first responders. One of the police officers on the scene, upon looking at my California driver’s license, made a crack about how I must have been happy not to be in California. I couldn’t totally hear what he said and I was still in mental and emotional overdrive trying to process what had happened. Normally when someone puts down my home state of 20+ years, I’ll try not to get judgmental and ask some questions to better understand where they were coming from.

In this case, it was too much cognitive load for me to bear in that moment. I decided to let it go, simply say ‘oh I love living there’ and continue. Perhaps he was trying to find some connection with me but a negative remark about the state I live in didn’t seem like the right starting point. Perhaps “how do you like living there?” would have been better.

The paramedics and Jenna, the nurse at the hospital, provided a very different experience.

What exactly did they do? Here are three examples which we could all model in our day to day life, whether at the scene of an accident or anywhere else.

• Actively listened - the first responders were listening. When Jeff, the paramedic who was first helping me, I thought I’d sit on the bumper of the ambulance wrapped in a blanket and getting checked out there. Instead they invited me into the actual ambulance, had me lay on the gurney and started to strap me in! I asked what was going on and he said they thought I had wanted to go to the hospital. I said no, not unless I really need to. They understood and then we made a joint decision to go in once we saw how high my blood pressure was.

• Asked clarifying questions - I had enough self-awareness in the moment to realize that I was in some shock from the sudden acute trauma, mentally struggling to understand how I had been rear ended. While they were asking diagnostic questions, there were also asking questions that were following my lead. When I said I was headed to the airport, they asked where I was going, what type of trip I was on, etc. It was a little extra step that made me feel heard which helped me feel supported and safe in their care.

• Reflected that they saw my point of view - Getting taken to the hospital by ambulance wasn’t in my plan for the day and I was worried about my stuff in my rental car. Where was that going? Would it be safe? I shared my concern. They replied that they couldn’t bring all my luggage with them but was there anything really important I needed? I asked them to retrieve my rolling briefcase (my shoulder-saving equivalent of a backpack). I told them that if that went missing, that would really suck. [In hindsight, there are so many things that would suck worse than losing a laptop, iPad and short term supply of medication, especially considering I was just in a big car accident. As my doctor told me later that week, I was very lucky my car was moving when I was hit, otherwise it would have been much worse.]

How am I today, 2 weeks later? I think physically I should be ok. I am dealing with the mental and emotional reprecussions and how those come up at unexpected times. Read on…

IRL Empathy: Hurricane Helene

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Thousands of people are still struggling in the wake of Hurricane Helene, cut off from help and uncertain of what comes next. Among them are Tyler and Lizzie, a young couple who narrowly escaped the flooding in Chimney Rock with their two cats. Watching their interview with CNN’s Sara Sidner was heartbreaking. The video they took during their escape was terrifying. And the young couple, especially LIzzie, was clearly still in shock, trying to process how their home and everything they knew is now gone. Their fear, their relief, and their worry for their neighbors who remain stranded—it was all so raw and real.

I happened to watch this segment live as it aired last week. Looking at Lizzie, I recognized what she was going through. I could feel the emotions and disorientation of shock that was present because of my own near miss experience just a week earlier.

This was emotional empathy that I was experiencing. A connection, resonating with the feeling of having your life upended in an instant. I started to cry with them, not just as a fellow cat parent who would prioritize rescuing my feline family over material possessions, but as someone who understands what it feels like to suddenly face that kind of uncertainty and loss. The actual experience they had was different but I was able to feel what they were feeling, drawing on what I had felt in a similar situation.

Empathy isn’t just understanding—it’s standing with someone in their pain, even from a distance. It’s knowing that, while we can’t take away their grief, we can acknowledge it, honor it, and hold space for it. Tyler and Lizzie’s story, like so many others, is a reminder of the resilience we find when everything feels lost—and the importance of reaching out to others with compassion as they navigate their own recovery.

As with all the horrible events in the world, we sometimes experience empathic distress and aren’t certain what to do to help. Learn more about empathic distress in this past edition and another way to take some action is to contribute to relief efforts. Thank you!

Yes, Empathy Has a Place in B2B Marketing

I was invited to speak at the B2BMX: East event in Atlanta this past week. The topic of my talk was how empathy influences buyer behavior. Yes, even in B2B marketing, empathy plays a critical role.

I was pleased to hear in the other presentations how “understanding your buyer’s needs” was a recurring theme as well as the importance of building relationships even in this age of technology. And yes, even with the use of AI, keeping it real and authentic is gaining relevance.

Even in the B2B space, we make decisions informed by our emotional as well as rational brains. Having empathy to understand where your client or customer is coming from, provides a competitive advantage more powerful than any price break or temporary deal.

I’d love to tell you more about this talk and how it might help your organization. Email me [email protected]

(And thank you to my friend Sequoyah G. for taking all the great pics! 🙏🏽 )

Build Bridges Instead of Walls this Fall

“Empathy for people you agree with is easy. Empathy for someone you deeply, passionately disagree with is hard, but necessary.” These two sentences from Hillary Clinton’s recent Washington Post article deeply resonated with me. It’s a powerful reminder that true empathy begins when we stretch beyond our comfort zones and reach across the divides that often seem insurmountable.

In my 5 Steps to Empathy™, dismantling judgment is about releasing those automatic, preconceived notions we hold about others. This is especially critical when engaging with people whose views or lives differ from our own. Another key step—asking good, thoughtful questions—invites understanding without making assumptions. These steps are the foundation for connecting with others on a deeper level, even when we don’t see eye to eye.

In a world that often feels fractured, empathy is how we bridge the gaps. It allows us to build connections rather than deepen divisions. If you haven’t yet read Clinton’s piece in The Washington Post, I highly recommend it—it’s an urgent call to open hearts and minds, and to build bridges instead of walls.

Here are a few additional tips for navigating difficult conversations with people who hold different viewpoints:

1. Start with a "Curious Breath": Before diving into a discussion, take a deep, intentional breath to center yourself. This practice creates a moment of clarity, allowing you to approach the conversation with curiosity rather than judgment or defensiveness. It helps you respond thoughtfully, rather than reacting emotionally​.

2. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond: In contentious conversations, it's easy to focus on formulating your next point instead of truly listening. Make a conscious effort to hear the other person’s perspective. Use open-ended questions to explore their views. This demonstrates empathy and encourages a deeper, more productive dialogue​​.

3. Avoid 'Othering' Language: When describing someone who holds a different perspective, be mindful of language that creates division, such as "them" or "the other side." Instead, use phrases like "people with different perspectives" to foster a sense of shared humanity​.

4. Acknowledge the Human Impact: Remember that behind every opinion is a person with real emotions and experiences. Acknowledging the personal stake others might have in an issue can disarm tension and invite empathy into the conversation. This small recognition can lead to a more respectful and open exchange of ideas​.

5. Practice Empathy in Action: True empathy isn't just about understanding others' feelings—it's about acting on that understanding. Whether through validation, offering support, or simply being open to another person's truth, empathy becomes transformative when it moves beyond theory and into action​.

These steps encourage not just connection, but a constructive approach to bridging divides in our increasingly polarized world.

More reading on difficult conversations: