Put Down Your Phone. What Do You See?

🚖 Ten-Minutes to See the World

I was in a cab in New York City, heading up Madison Avenue to facilitate a client workshop, when I made a small but radical choice for a Thursday morning: I put my phone down.

For ten minutes, I just looked out the window. The sidewalks were full of people heading to work wearing the uniforms they chose for the day. New stores had opened next to old. Cafes were serving customers. Billboards flashed the latest ads. Humans worked to keep pace with their dogs. The sun was shining brightly, and I felt myself reset.

In that moment, I wasn’t trying to keep up. I was catching up to what was already around me.

We’re attending an all-you-can-eat buffet designed to steal our focus with an endless rotation of dishes, satisfying but not fulfilling us, keeping us wanting more.

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to push back from the table. There’s growing awareness of the damage that’s being done to us from this constant force feeding of our attention. From the movement to help teens and young adults disconnect from phones to increasing dissatisfaction with the infinity of content creating a demand for the finite while there’s also a growing trend among Gen Z to turn off social media. I’m not a big believer in generations being responsible for much of anything, given how broad and diverse that size cohort is. Instead, I believe there are psychographic or attitudinal changes that are taking place which is affecting our behavior.

Empathy begins there — with attention. Are you able to summon the discipline to pause and let the moment in? What do you see when you put your phone down?

Speaking of phones and feasting on technology, right after I recorded the video to this edition, reveling in my newfound connections with the world around me, I stepped into the elevator in my hotel and was greeted with this…

Something I’ve loved this trip is the change in perspective a hotel room on the 20th floor can provide. Outside my room were a countless array of water towers. Like sentinels protecting the buildings in their charge. I loved how the October light would illuminate different ones throughout the day.

🏙 Dear New York — The Human Stories Right in Front of Us

Later that day, I visited Dear New York, a photo exhibit at Grand Central Station from the team behind Humans of New York.

Each of the participating photographers took a different lens on the city: one focused on the stories of women recently out of jail finding freedom again while another built trust with the Hasidic community to gain access to their quiet rituals. I also enjoyed the photographer who documented the latest club scene and what the “cool kids” are doing today. Also stunning were the photos of drivers crossing on the Williamsburg Bridge during the evening rush and the golden light that strikes just so, revealing more than just the driver of a car.

The most moving section was the hundreds of photos by New York schoolchildren nominating someone who inspired them. As I looked at them all, I was struck by how these figures of inspiration were the everyday people in our lives. I saw teachers and coaches, parents and grandparents, siblings, cousins and aunties.

The short paragraphs from the students about the people they nominated made it clear to me the role that empathy played. Empathy isn’t an abstract ideal. It’s in how we see and acknowledge one another. Sometimes the most powerful empathy is the simplest: I see you.

💬 From Noticing to Action: How Empathy Shows Up In Friendship

Over the past few weeks I’ve been able to get together with some of the friends that I’ve thought about when taking the Friendship Personality Quiz. I noticed that I was much more aware of how I was showing up for them and what they might be needing in the moment. That gave me a chance to decide if I was going to modify my behavior to better support them, as well as what I need.

With one friend where I typed as The Solicitor, during a chat over dinner, I recalled that I relied on that friendship for providing empathy for me - kind of like that main character energy. I didn’t think I was doing it on this night but I was mindful of it, so I decided to lean in to asking more questions and being supportive. If I had needed more supportive empathy, perhaps if I was in the midst of going through something, then I would have been seeking more support.

Another night and I was with a friend I hadn’t typed against and even in that situation, I found myself reflecting on how I was showing up during our conversation and if I was providing what I thought my friend needed. It seemed like everything was good and so I carried on but I liked having the thought cross my mind to make sure I was showing up for my friends.

So here’s my experiment for you this week:

• Retake the Friendship Personality Test — this time, with one specific person in mind. Try with a person where you’ve had a more challenged relationship - so not your bestie but someone who you maybe have different viewpoints. See how you type compared to people you are better friends with.

• Then, in any engagement with a friend, notice how you are showing up compared to how you typed. Is that how you want it to be? What can you do differently to support them better?

• And then, tell me what you noticed.

🎃 What Your Halloween Candy Says About You

This time last year I shared thoughts on how you approach Halloween candy that you hand out and what it might say about you - are you having empathy with the kids or yourself or something else? I was really moved by the stories you shared with me about what goes into your decision making, so I wanted to share a link to that edition again. Plus, I recorded a video about it. Please share with your friends. I think you’ll have some great discussions about something we may not believe we think much about but has some deep-seated motivations.

If you or your organization are looking for speaker or a workshop on improving workplace culture or improving leadership skills, I’d love to connect and see how I can help.