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- Happy Pride! + Empathy & Sympathy in Mourning Times
Happy Pride! + Empathy & Sympathy in Mourning Times
Plus: Your Help Needed Please - Podcast Feedback
Rob Volpe
June 29, 2024
Table of Contents
→ Pilot Podcast Episode Feedback Please
→ Pride: What a Difference a Year Makes
→ What Was That???
→ Empathy & Sympathy in Mourning
→ Another Look (or Two) at the State of Workplace Empathy Report
Hi! Hope you are having a great day!
Welcome to all the new members of the community - thank you for subscribing! I’m grateful for the growth this newsletter is experiencing. We’ve more than tripled the number of subscribers since January, and counting…
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As always, a quick reminder of what you can expect in each edition of Reading Between the Lines…
My thinking is here in the newsletter. Links are for diving deeper.
I strive to deliver ‘news you can use’.
I also share insights into human behavior and topics I’m thinking about.
I include amusing or interesting “slice of life” moments.
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Pilot Podcast Feedback Please!
I appreciate everyone who’s been able to listen to the podcast so far. I’d like to hear from even more people to help round out what I’m hearing.
The link to the recording is at the top of this survey. The podcast is less than 30 minutes and the survey only takes a few minutes to complete. Hopefully you’ll have a chance to give it a listen during this holiday week. Thank you!
What a Difference a Year Makes
New York and San Francisco celebrate Pride this weekend and I’ll be going to a Pink Party tomorrow. While last year I played up the pink with a “twisted baby doll” look, this year I may go with pink denim, just looking for something to give it that unexpected something to show my pride.
What’s remarkable is how quiet this year’s Pride season has been relative to the uproar over the corporate marketing actions of several national brands. (The link in the previous paragraph takes you to last year’s post on that subject).
It’s a challenge for companies to find ways to identify with their consumers, especially when they may have differing points of view. Yet to ignore one segment for another risks larger blowback, which we saw last year.
And not to be ignored is the community within the company itself. What are the values of the employees and the organization? How do those line up with the positions the organization is taking? If they aren’t aligned, that can create a dissatisfied workforce.
I was talking earlier this week with a Gen Z member of the LGBTQ+ community who was expressing a desire to get involved in order to give back. I shared how I was involved with GLAAD in Los Angeles back in the 90s doing visibility and fundraising campaigns, which culminated in our involvement with Lambda Legal and the LGBTQ Center in LA to raise awareness about Freedom to Marry. This was the early days in the fight for marriage equality.
Ready to go at a West Hollywood Pride March probably in 1994 (the Freedom to Marry march was the following year - can’t find the photo!)
He was struck by the reminder of how it wasn’t that long ago that things were much different, and of the fragility of the status quo.
It reminded me how important it is that we make sure the stories of our communities are shared. Pride is to be celebrated and its also an opportunity to learn more about the culture, events and figures in history that have become fuzzy with time.
Here are a few suggestions for movies and documentaries …
Milk - the story of Harvey Milk, gay rights activist and politician in San Francisco who was assassinated by a fellow politician.
Before the song Vogue or the series Pose or the reality competition show Legendary, came the documentary Paris is Burning about the Harlem drag-ball scene.
Angels in America - Tony Kushner’s play turned into a Mike Nichols mini-series on HBO about the AIDS crisis in the 1980s.
There are some great dramatic films in this list from Rolling Stone.
I might have to watch a few myself this weekend.
Happy Pride everyone!
What Was That???
I know the Presidential debate this week was painful to watch. Thought it might be useful to re-share the RBTL issue from early June to help in conversations with people with differing views. I’ll have more on the topic in two weeks.
Empathy & Sympathy in Mourning: Even the Brightest Lights Can Fade…
Two things struck me the first time I saw Mia - her incredible curly bright coppery red hair and her smile. Mia’s smile was radiant. It not only lit up her face but she positively beamed from within, brightening the entire room. She embodied joie de vivre.
From Syracuse to London to Los Angeles, we used to joke that Mia was “following me”. I know she wasn’t but I was grateful to have such a positive force nearby during those critical years. I could always count on Mia for her upbeat energy, infectious smile, giggly laugh, endless curiosity about people and yes, her empathy and kindness.
During those years in the early 90s, I was wrestling with my identity as a gay man, and I was also working to overcome that dominant gene of being judgmental that runs in my family. Mia was ever present, continually demonstrating how empathy can fuel compassion and spread some light to people who needed it.
On a road trip with Mia to Santa Barbara, circa 1992
She had a knack for rescuing strays - people and animals - regardless of her allergies. Mia always saw the best in others and did what she could to support them.
As we exited that period of our early mid-20s, the space between us widened as often happens, but we stayed in contact through social media, email and text. She always cherished hearing my updates on trips to her beloved London, asking questions about which pubs and shops were still open on Queensway compared to when we lived there 30+ years ago.
I visited her in late 2017 at her home in Raleigh, NC. It was during that trip that I started talking more openly about the book I was writing. She was very encouraging, asked great questions, shared her own experiences and reflections on empathy and couldn’t wait to read it. We had a long conversation about the importance of setting boundaries and practicing self-care.
On April 10, 2021, I received an email from her with the subject line “some bad news…” - she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Stage 2A invasive ductal carcinoma. She completed all the courses of treatment and we thought everything was fine. Until it wasn’t. Cancer had metastasized into her bones. Through texts and occasional phone calls I offered support and shared links to my TV appearances as I knew it would brighten her day. She also became a regular reader of this newsletter and one of the first to subscribe.
I got word on Monday that her fight against cancer ended. She leaves behind a 16-year old daughter who, like her mother, has curly red hair and a smile that lights up a room.
I’m still processing the fact that she’s gone and the absence that I feel. She was one of those people that I felt connected with no matter how far apart we were. Over the years I’ve modified the Jewish condolence “May their memory be a blessing” to “May their memory be a blessing and bring smiles.” There are few people my memory of makes me smile more than Mia.
I’ll end this with two thoughts, which I think Mia would approve of…
1) I often talk about the difference between empathy and sympathy and how sympathy can create a power dynamic, although it does have its place in society, particularly in times of loss, such as this. When offering condolences, it is appropriate to say “I am sorry for your loss.” That is offering sympathy - feeling for someone. Empathy is feeling with someone.
An empathetic statement could look like “I am sorry you lost your friend. How are you doing?” or “I can see you are hurting and can imagine what that feels like. I lost someone close to me to cancer and I remember feeling…. How are you doing?” or “Tell me more about your friend.” Those are empathetic responses.
2) In that April email, Mia shared this request which I pass on, in her own words.
“I also want all my friends with dense breast tissue to do their mammos and be diligent about paying attention. I went annually, and thought I was doing what I was supposed to, but it wasn't enough. It has been in there growing and they did not detect it. And it doesn't feel like I thought it would when you do your own exams.”
Visiting Mia in December 2017
Thank you Mia. Your memory brings a smile to my soul and is a blessing. I’ll miss you.
Spreading the Word on the State of Workplace Empathy
The report has been published and I’ve had two TV appearances sharing the results. The first in Salt Lake City with Good Things Utah, the second in Denver at Great Day Colorado. Do you have a preference?
I hope you liked this edition.
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Reading Between the Lines delivers of-the-moment insights into empathy and human behavior; expect practical tips on using the skill of empathy in everyday life and exclusive updates to keep my community close. All on a biweekly basis.
