Kaliméra! That’s good morning in Greek. I’m writing this while on vacation, currently in Crete, with this view...

Hope you are having a great day!

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As always, a quick reminder of what you can expect in each edition of Reading Between the Lines…

1. My thinking is here in the newsletter. Links are for diving deeper.

2. I strive to deliver ‘news you can use’.

3. I also share insights into human behavior and topics I’m thinking about.

4. I include amusing or interesting “slice of life” moments.

5. The Q&A feature is based on questions that come up in conversation - please send me your questions!

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IRL How Empathy Transforms into an Act of Compassion

While recently having lunch in the town of Oia on the island of Santorini, (it’s where the buildings are white and the church domes are that beautiful rich blue), we saw a mom and her teen daughter stopped in the shade on some steps across the pedestrian “street” from where we were eating. The mom was fanning her daughter. Some fellow tourists would stop to ask if everything was ok and the mom commented that everything was fine and that her daughter was just tired.

From where we sat it looked more like the daughter was exhausted from the heat (a very warm 84F in bright sunshine).

I found myself having sympathy for the daughter as she was clearly suffering. Note the use of the word “for” - a giveaway when sympathy is the response welling up.

And then I noticed that I felt with the daughter as I have suffered from heat exhaustion myself after a little too much exertion and not enough hydration and shade. I’d describe it as a horrible sense of tiredness and of being able to fry an egg on the top of my head because it feels so hot. I could imagine what she was feeling based on my own experience. (This is empathy - and the word ‘with’ is the giveaway to that).

‘Someone should bring her some water to help her cool off and hydrate,’ I thought to myself. It seemed that the mom wasn’t pulling out a water bottle or doing anything other than fanning her daughter, which I’m sure helped but would it be enough?

And so that empathy started to evolve into compassion and wanting to take action. Who was that someone going to be? Would I be the someone? Could I be?

The immediate hurdle I was facing was where could I get a bottle of water? The “street” in Oia that we were on was filled with shops that were selling clothing and authentic local jewelry but no places with bottles of water were visible.

I was sitting in a restaurant of course so it’s not like we couldn’t find some way to carry water across the street but I hadn’t seen anything available and I was in Greece, unable to speak the language, and and and.

As I continued to ponder what to do, which was effectively stalling my progression from feeling empathy and having a sense of compassion to being able to take action, a tall handsome man crossed the pedestrian walkway and approached the mother and daughter. He held a water bottle in one hand and a ‘to go’ coffee cup in the other that was filled with ice cream and a spoon. He shared it with the daughter and she immediately started to perk up. Soon, she was back on her feet and on her way, feeling better.

The kind stranger came back across the street and entered our restaurant. He returned to his seat, which was directly behind us. As my back was to him, Charles thanked him for doing something to help and he replied “I know how she feels, I have four daughters myself.”

‘That’, I thought to myself, ‘was a perfect example of someone having empathy with someone and allowing it to turn into an action to help make the situation better.’

I wanted to share this story as inspiration.

The Practical Recap:

With v For - Notice which word you are using to better understand if you are experiencing empathy or sympathy. We need both so don’t self-criticize if you are only feeling sympathy. Another build to test yourself whether you are having empathy or not is to expand on what it is you are experiencing “with-ness”.

From Feeling to Action - I was ready to act but the barriers immediately in front of me - in a foreign country, unable to speak the language - hindered my ability to turn what I was experiencing into positive action. While this wasn’t exactly “empathic distress” - it was happening very quickly - identifying what can be done, the barriers to action and starting to dismantle those can help you move forward to compassion. Had the fellow diner not stepped in, Charles and I would probably have gotten to the point where we would have tried to do something to help and overcome the barriers in front of us.

Does EQ Trump IQ?

Despite societal tendencies to idolize less empathetic leaders like many of the Titans of Tech, other industry leaders, people like Satya Nadella at Microsoft, are demonstrating how promoting a culture of empathy leads to success.

In the piece linked above, Nadella is quoted as saying that EQ trumps IQ in the long run. “If you can’t be a source of energy for others, very little can be accomplished.” This underscores, for me, an important part of being in the leadership position - providing energy and inspiration for others to follow the vision and work toward the goal.

Where I’ve seen leaders take a wrong turn is thinking that this is a one-way relationship where the employees and workers are following what the leader says, without the reciprocal support that the leader must provide to help people get the job done. This means building an empathetic culture of support where the individual is supported as both an employee and their whole self, plus the community within the organization is also supported.

Former United Airlines CEO and Chairman Oscar Munoz talks about EQ through his actions rather than his words. We may not hold Munoz and Nadella on the same pedestal as we do Musk, Zuckerberg and Altman however it’s worth asking the question why not?

Embracing EQ in your organization is challenging, especially with long-standing stereotypes about gender roles in the workplace, but as more data comes out, we’re learning that it's essential for long-term success.

I recently spoke with Peter Winick on his podcast Leveraging Thought Leadership about EQ, empathy, and more. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I hope you liked this edition.

For more from my holiday in Greece, please visit my Instagram - @Empathy_Activist

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Reading Between the Lines delivers of-the-moment insights into empathy and human behavior; expect practical tips on using the skill of empathy in everyday life and exclusive updates to keep my community close. All on a biweekly basis.