The Waffle Iron(y) of January 20, 2025

Food is interwoven with many of the holidays we celebrate. From cookouts associated with summer holidays to roast beasts adorning winter holiday tables, if its a major holiday, it is often festooned with ritual and recipes passed down through the generations.

But what of the holidays that are observed and recognized but not feted in the same way? What do you associate with those days off from school and work?

Growing up, my mom would make French Toast on federal holidays. My sister and I were out of school and mom, a federal employee, wouldn’t have to work. In our house, Dad controlled the griddle, creating Saturday-morning stacks of the fluffiest pancakes you’ve ever sunk your teeth into. But on those holiday Mondays interspersed on the calendar, Mom would take over breakfast duties, slipping slices of bread into a bath of egg, milk and cinnamon then cooking them to a golden brown. The eggy soft center of the bread, sweetened by syrup mingled with the warmth of the spices, was different from pancakes in the way that a day off during the week feels different from a Saturday. Both are anticipated and hold the promise of relaxation and maybe a few chores, but the delicious tastes are definitely distinct.

So here I sit today, the morning of January 20, 2025, a federal holiday twice over with MLK Jr. Day and Inauguration Day intersecting on a calendar of cosmic irony. I have to recognize my bias here because had Kamala Harris won the election, I’d be musing about how appropriate and divine the alignment between a celebration of a civil rights hero and a major advancement in equality and representation across gender and race.

Unfortunately, I can’t have it both ways.

Yet somehow, these two days co-exist despite my biased view.

And I have to recognize that there is a large number of Americans who are perfectly happy with today’s inauguration and the promises made during the election.

Yet somehow, like these two holidays, we need to figure out how to cohabitate and even come together to resolve the collective issues facing society. We can’t do that without communicating with each other - and I don’t mean through social media put downs. This is good old fashioned live talking.

I attended a friend’s birthday dinner this weekend and as we were going around the table sharing reflections of friendship and the irony of a January 20th birthday, the underlying tension and dread of the next four years suddenly escaped into the room like steam from a ruptured valve. No one at the table was looking forward to the next four years of politics and several stories were shared of fraying relationships with families who were “all in” with the other side. I’m guessing this dinner party is not the only one where this has been an issue.

No matter how difficult or challenging, we have to keep the conversations going if we hope to resolve conflict, persuade perspective or achieve understanding.

From my many conversations with people, one consistent theme that comes up is that this is hardest to do with family. It’s also the most frustrating. Family is a constant in our lives, at the very least tied to select holidays (and those foods and rituals). Family also represents a lifetime of good moments and bad, in different mixes for each of us. As a result, our reaction to a family member’s position on immigration restriction is also tied in knots with past history like their refusal to let us have freedom of movement to go to a sleepover at a friends house when we were 10.

It doesn’t make a lot of rational sense but all the buttons to push have been placed throughout our lifetime and it takes a lot of self-awareness and curious breaths to unravel it. All while having a dynamic, real time conversation with someone.

Here’s one suggestion to help with these conversations…

The Power of “I”

Often, I’ve written about how using empathy to resolve issues and conflict is a two way relationship. Both sides need to imagine what it might be like to be in the shoes of the other person. While there’s an element of detective work in deciphering what someone is saying, where they are coming from and what it means, we can minimize the guess work when we use “I” statements followed by the word “because” as we express our perspective.

“I think…” - express your cognitive perceptions on an issue and elaborate on it with “because”. An example…. “I think it’s wrong to deprive citizenship to children born to immigrant parents who are here illegally because the child, unborn at the time, had no ability to control or influence that decision.”

“I feel…” - expressing what’s in your heart, again, elaborating on it when you can with a “because”. A ‘feel’ variation on the ‘think’ example… “I feel hurt and sadness for children who will be deprived of citizenship at birth due to the actions of their parents because it’s not the kid’s fault.”

“I believe…” - expressing what you hold as a belief - that deeper conviction or understanding that represents your values. Another variation on the same example but from a point of belief… “I believe children who are born here should have citizenship regardless of their parents legal status because children are innocent people at birth and shouldn’t be penalized for their parents actions.”

If someone is sharing these examples with you, it would be natural for you to ask a follow-up “tell me more about that” question or “where do you think that thought/feeling/belief comes from for you?” to go deeper. It would also be natural to respond with how you think/feel/believe in order to see where you both stand and start to work through how to bridge any divide that exists.

The Irony and the Waffle

Last summer, I wrote about how Donald Trump could be the teacher that we all need. This is based off my friend Minette Norman’s belief that the person we struggle with the most is the person that has the most to teach us about empathy. It doesn’t mean that the specific individual can share pearls of wisdom on empathy. It means we can learn by reflecting on ourselves, where we get tied up in trying to understand that person which in turn will help us expand our ability to have empathy with others. In this case, it isn’t Donald Trump himself but the people we know that support him or his policies that are pushing our buttons. (Or, if you are a Trump supporter already, that person on the left who gets under your skin, it’s the same idea.)

I’m reminded of this quote from Maya Angelou which I cited in the introduction of my book…

This is the challenge ahead of us. To have the courage to do the work, build the empathy, and use the understanding to create solutions greater than we could make on our own.

Imagine if that were the outcome of the 2nd Trump administration, which kicked off on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day 2025. That would indeed be ironic. A welcome irony in my opinion.

As for me, I don’t have sliced bread on hand at the moment but in honor of family traditions, federal holidays and sweet bready carbs, I made waffles in my waffle iron.

Here’s to successfully navigating whatever lies ahead for us all! Happy New Year!

More Tips on Tough Conversations

The holidays may be behind us, but the advice I shared on WTHR-TVs 5 o’clock news with Dustin Grove and Felicia Lawrence applies any time of year—especially when conversations turn to tricky topics like politics.

One of the most important tools is listening to truly understand. Reflective listening—repeating what someone has said to ensure you’ve got it right—can help calm tensions and build connection. Combine that with “I” statements to share how you feel without putting others on the defensive.

And don’t forget the Curious Breath. Pausing to take a breath before reacting gives you space to set aside judgment and approach the conversation with curiosity and care.

You can catch the full interview here for more ways to keep things constructive, whether it’s at the dinner table or in everyday discussions. Empathy is always in season!

Coming Up…

I have several speaking engagements coming up in the next few weeks. While the specific talks are customized to the organization, I’m often addressing the missing link to success at work in relation to the different skills we use to be successful. This includes how empathy empowers each of those.

I’d love to speak at your next company meeting, group or organization event or retreat, email me [email protected] to get the discussion started.

January 29 - AMA Triangle Monthly Meeting - virtual presentation to the North Carolina chapter of the American Marketing Association

February 19 - PIHRA Monthly Breakfast Meeting - Los Angeles chapter - an association of HR professionals

February 20 - Sales and Marketing Innovators (SAMI) - a virtual group, originally out of Boston, exploring innovation in sales and marketing thinking and approaches

February 26 - B2B Marketing Exchange West - a conference focused on the latest in B2B marketing for companies of all sizes.