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1. My thinking is here in the newsletter. Links are for diving deeper.

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Why So Numb? Finding the Path to Healing

I turned to my husband Charles at the end of the movie and shrugged my shoulders. “We just watched footage of the Key Bridge collapse on repeat this past week on the news, I don’t need to see CGI urban destruction,” I said. He agreed and we discussed how the images of destruction of Gaza and Ukraine looked so much like what was shown on screen.

I don’t need to see that in escapist entertainment like the recent Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire movie when real life is providing more than enough examples to fill. In fact, I felt uncomfortable watching Rome, Cairo and Rio get trampled. Attack by missile or Kaiju, the results look the same.

Maybe I wouldn’t have been as unsettled by this if watching the initial news coverage of the Key Bridge catastrophe hadn’t taken me back to 9/11 and experiencing the collapse of the South Tower with my own eyes and ears (from a safe distance but nothing prepares you to witness that).

And that’s when I recognized that I still carry the remains of some emotional trauma from that day 23 years ago and has led to a heightened sensitivity to catastrophes and extremely unusual events since.

In the last edition of the newsletter, I shared some reflections from US Adults in the Navigating to a New Normal study. In the video, Marco tells us how Covid-19 has left us all with PTSD. In those first months we experienced confusion and fear as life shut down around us and then we were uncertain of the risks of many of our daily behaviors and interactions. While it might not qualify as PTSD for everyone, it certainly was a collective trauma.

And then Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon aka “frequency illusion” set in. That’s the cognitive bias when you have something in your mind, like when you first saw a Tesla, and then you start to see it everywhere. The number in existence didn’t increase exponentially, but your brain is more aware of it and so it spots it more frequently and registers in your conscience.

For me, the frequency illusion was my my coming across several articles about trauma as well as the effects of the pandemic on current society. I’m going to share those here for further reading.

The one related to trauma is this piece in The Atlantic. Two clinical psychiatrists discuss why we aren’t more enthusiastic about the current economy and how we have trauma from our Covid experience that remains unresolved. Their recommendation is remembrance of what we experienced individually and as a society, mourn that and allow it to help us move forward more together than divided.

Reflecting on what the psychiatrists put forward though - that we view the present through an unresolved emotional state generated in the past, it helps explain the empathic distress we are feeling from the wars in Israel/Gaza and Ukraine plus every other catastrophe that is occurring regularly. Until we process and mourn, we won’t be looking at the world with the same degree of optimism.

After the Spanish Flu pandemic in 1918 ended, the Roaring 20’s began. I’ve been waiting for our Roaring 2020s to emerge and it hasn’t been as clear to me until this recent Washington Post article which explores the increase in spending on travel and once in a lifetime experiences. YOLO (You Only Live Once) is the name of the game and the article pointed out how credit card balances are nearing record highs and savings is back to pre-pandemic lows. People want their experiences now because they recognize there is a risk that it could be taken away suddenly or they could die in the next catastrophic event. The article points out how restaurants, which enjoyed significant rebounds as lockdowns ended and people began reconnecting in real life, are now seeing a decline. Dining out isn’t a big enough experience. A headline in the SF Chronicle this week reflected a 20% decline in revenue for Bay Area restaurants, which reinforces that point.

And in The New York Times, there was an exploration on how school absences have dramatically increased post-pandemic. Reasons ranged from economic to mental health to using online classes to justify vacations outside the school sanctioned days off. It spans income levels and is creating more challenge for today’s students, who’ve already been pushed further than any adult in the past four years.

I can tell I still haven’t fully worked through all the experiences and emotions I felt during those two intense years let alone heal. I remember feeling like I was on autopilot for much of it, trying to keep my company going and my wits about me so I could also be present for my husband and others in our lives.

The New Normal study did a lot to help keep me grounded as I held space to other’s lived experiences. Knowing I wasn’t alone in the shock of the quiet, the oddness of lining up to go into the supermarket, the mounting death toll, the fear of catching the virus and what it might do to me or my loved ones, helped me understand what was going on intellectually but not the emotions I was feeling. If I’m being honest, I suppressed the feelings. Rereading this paragraph I can feel the emotions vibrating under the surface, waiting.

The difficulty for me was the number of shocking moments that stuck with me, and I’m sure many others - the uncanny valley experience of the lockdown, the refrigerator trucks outside hospitals to hold bodies, George Floyd’s last moments of life, the burnt orange sky in San Francisco due to wildfires, the stress of the election, January 6, the many deaths of loved ones, the uncertainty of returning to in person while remaining safe. It’s a lot to process and then once things did return to “normal” we weren’t given space to process as more extreme events kept happening, which I’ve written about as well before.

Where to start? It’s a lot.

Empathy served me well during the pandemic as I worked to understand what others were going through. Self-empathy, looking inward to connect to my feelings and understand where I’m coming from, is what I will need to apply next as I continue to unpack my experience.

I share this in the spirit of transparency and honesty, in hopes it might help others begin their own process of reflection. I’m advocating taking some time to explore and understand our individual experiences (self-empathy), to remember and mourn what was lost - people, experiences, opportunities, whatever someone felt they lost - and to do that in whatever way feels right for them - and then share with others. We aren’t alone. Sharing with others and being there for others to support them, remind them they aren’t alone, to ask how they want to be supported, will help us navigate our time ahead. That’s when we can take off the doom and gloom specs and look toward a rosier future.

Besides, I want to be able to fully enjoy a Godzilla movie again. (and if you haven’t seen Godzilla Minus One, I highly recommend it - ironically it focuses on dealing with trauma).

I’m curious to know where you are in your process of healing?

One final thought - the movie wasn’t bad so don’t get me wrong - it went really well with popcorn. That said, the destruction didn’t sit with me the way it used to. And two days after we saw the movie, The New York Times critic notebook explored the destruction in the movie and raised similar questions we had.

I will admit I really loved the zero gravity fight amongst the monsters. No cities were destroyed in that sequence. Also, seeing Godzilla curled up napping in the Colosseum, a move apparently inspired by the director’s cat, reminded us of our own cats who do the same thing in their cat beds.

Q&A: Is there such a thing as starting too soon with empathy training for my kids?

Parenthood doesn't come with a manual, and it can be overwhelming to figure out the right time for building skills and teaching life lessons. As a non-parent but sometime caregiver, I stand in awe and have deep respect for the daily hard work that parents put in. Your concern in asking this question shows that you're a caring parent who probably values empathy. I’d guess that you are already demonstrating empathy to your child with your own actions.

Babies are constantly learning from their surroundings, and research shows that they can pick up on the emotions of others as early as six months old. It's incredible, isn't it? Studies also reveal that even at just 18 months old, children show signs of compassion toward others. Perhaps you’ve seen that in your own child or a niece or nephew - the mirror neurons are at work reflecting the emotion that they are picking up on. It's amazing how attuned kids are.

As caregivers, it’s our job to help foster this valuable ability. Providing support and praise when empathy is displayed while also helping them understand boundaries and letting go of others emotions if they begin to get overwhelmed (this latter part is for kids and teens, not the babies).

The bottom line is that how you respond to your baby's needs plays a crucial role in shaping their empathy. So, keep cuddling your little ones, shower them with love when they need it, and watch their empathy grow and develop.

Thank you for the question!

Is There a Jester in Your Corporate Boardroom?

Everyone needs someone to tell them the truth.

Dagonet, Stanczyk, Jeffrey Hudson, Nasreddin, Will Sommers. All wise and witty men (and historical figures all except for the first in the list) who served their leaders by serving up truth in a palatable form. Some had the title of Court Jester, for others the role was inferred. They were taken seriously and in some cases, served a succession of Kings and Queens.

Truth. It’s what all leaders need. Perspective delivered by people other than a ‘yes’ man or person with an agenda other than what’s best for the Leader and the Organization - or kingdom/country in the case of the real life Jesters.

Who plays this role in organizations you are involved with? Who delivers the truth? And is it served up in an easy to digest manner?

I believe the insights or marketing research function is one of those Court Jesters. Whether you sit in that seat or another, consider while reading below how truth is delivered to leadership in your organization. You might find yourself to be a Jester as well. I acknowledge that I am a Jester to my clients and am proud of it!

Often dismissed as mere entertainment (keeping track of data and the curiosities that appear within the data), the Jester actually holds a unique position at the royal court. Beyond jests and jokes, they serve as trusted confidants, whispering truths and delivering messages to the person in power.

That’s exactly what the marketing research function does or can do. The insights professional should be telling the king like it really is, not how they wish it was. Yet we all know from experience that sometimes the truth hurts or isn’t accepted, so it needs to be delivered in a compelling story that inspires. Some of the jesters I listed were known for spinning a story that delivers the wisdom which opens the king’s eyes to the truth. It’s a lot easier to swallow.

What helps any story connect is the empathy that gets built up between the reader/listener and the characters. Understanding and connecting to the truth of another and making sure that is portrayed in the story that persuades the king to take the necessary action.

We all play the truth teller in some aspect of our lives. What tips do you have for making it most impactful?

I enjoyed a recent conversation with Adam Cellary of RealEye.io about how empathy fits in marketing research, which is where I first began elaborating on the function’s role as Court Jester. I hope you’ll check it out.

I Swept into the Windy City Last Month

AI may be all the rage but nothing beats human connection. I had a great time catching up with so many awesome people at Quirks Chicago last month. The event is one in a series of insights industry conferences I’ve been attending as both an Empathy Activist and 3rd CEO of Ignite 360. I’m in Atlanta April 8-10 for the Insights Association’s Annual Event (and the solar eclipse).

I’m looking forward to seeing if the smiles in Atlanta can eclipse (pun intended) those in these photos. Stay tuned…

Thank you to the organizers and everyone involved for another great event!

I hope you liked this edition.

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Reading Between the Lines delivers of-the-moment insights into empathy and human behavior; expect practical tips on using the skill of empathy in everyday life and exclusive updates to keep my community close. All on a biweekly basis.