I Am Still Here

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound?

Similarly, if a person is removed from the public record, do they exist?

I’ve been pondering this question since Thursday, February 13, when the National Park Service removed the words and references to “transgender” and “queer” from the website of the Stonewall National Monument. Considering it was trans women who stood up to the ongoing harassment of the NYPD on that June night in 1969, tossing a brick in defiance of continuing raids on queer community gathering spots, it is incongruous that the group that lit the proverbial match would be excluded from the history of the movement they kicked off.

It's like the Iwo Jima Memorial website being revised to not mention Marines. Common sense would tell you that the factual story and people involved in the event should be represented and respected in the monument or memorial commemorating the event. Iwo Jima would not have happened without the sacrifice of Marines, so why would you carve them out of history? Similarly, the Stonewall Riots did not happen without those trans women.

National Park websites are not the only place where the LGBTQ+ community is being erased. Attempts have been made to purge data sets at the CDC and NIH of references and subsets of transgender and other demographic sub-groups. This is dangerous because, without knowledge of how diseases and treatments play out in minority populations, medical professionals are unable to make proper diagnoses, deliver guidance on precautions or treatments. This puts people at unnecessary risk. Common sense says the government would give a doctor all the information they need to save lives, not censor the data to fit a biased narrative.

If my community isn’t visible in the historical record or in medical data, do we really exist?

Not only do we need to be represented in medical studies but it’s important to our own well-being to see (positive) representations of our community in society.

Growing up in small town Indiana in the early 80s I was hungry for any sign of other people that were gay. I didn’t fully understand this part of my identity at the time, yet I recognize now how it would catch my attention. Whenever a character in a movie or TV show, maybe an article in Newsweek or… Well, that was about all I could find back then representing people that were out loud and proud but whatever scraps I could find I eagerly devoured. Seeing gay men in media helped me understand that I wasn’t alone. That I was part of something larger than myself. I might be a proverbial tree, but I am also part of a forest.

Being gay is a fundamental aspect of my identity. It has informed much of who I am, providing a special lens to how I view the world. Taking that away would be removing a vital part of myself.

Can you imagine what you’d be like with part of your identity hidden or missing?

Here’s an empathy-building exercise to try:

• Take a pen and paper (or the notes feature on your phone) and make a list of all the characteristics that identify or represent you – make sure you write down at least five. Consider physical characteristics, race/ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, cultural background, political affiliation, relationships, career, whatever is important to you.

• Next, review the list and consider how these attributes come together to form your identity. What intersections do they create? How do you consider them? Which ones sit more forward in your consciousness or more directly inform who you are and how you show up?
  

• Cross out or erase one of those more forward identifiers.
  

• Now, reconsider who you are without that part of your identity. How are you different than how you currently know yourself? Do you still exist as you or does it change you into someone else? 

What does that feel like?

Erasing the presence of a community is an existential crisis for the members of that community. What these executive actions are denying is the ability to be seen, which is fundamental to understanding others and impedes our ability to have empathy or compassion for them. We all need to be in relationship with one another for our larger community of the United States to be strong. Ignoring the existence of any part of that community only weakens us. (This is true of how we think about any “other side” and try to dismiss them. It’s wrong)

Back to the original question of the tree in the forest. Paraphrased: If a person lives and breathes on this planet but we are denied the ability to see them, do they still exist?

A: Yes.

It’s cruel to remove references to transgender men and women from websites and medical records. There’s no good that comes from these heartless actions. While there may be a desire to erase this part of my community, I know that they exist. I know the contributions to history and society that they have made. They are my friends and allies. They aren’t going anywhere and I wouldn’t want them to. I will continue to bear witness and use empathy to help others understand.

We are all still here. I am still here. And that’s not going to change.

Q: How do I support people being traumatized by current events right now?

A: The trans community is under attack right now. If you know someone trans or have a trans family member, reach out to them and ask “how are you doing with these current events?” and offer your support “what can I do to support you with this situation?”

If you’d like to learn more about gender identity and the trans experience, PFLAG has this recommended list of books that are worth checking out.

Also under attack are federal employees and people in the non-profit humanitarian space. The same supportive questions are appropriate to ask them or anyone you know that may be going through a hard time.

There are a lot of emotions that are coming up from people - anger, despair, confusion - all of these feelings are valid. What we can do is help people by listening to them and asking good, supportive questions. “How are you doing?” and “You say you are afraid and I can hear that in your voice, tell me more about what you are afraid of?” - helping people identify their feelings and what’s motivating the fear, always in a supportive way, can help people process them and find their way forward. It’s ok to feel the feelings.

Coming Up…

I have two speaking engagements coming up in the next few weeks. While the specific talks are customized to the organization, I’m often addressing the missing link to success at work in relation to the different skills we use to be successful. This includes how empathy empowers each of those, particularly our ability to build strong relationships with other people.

I’d love to speak at your next company meeting, group or organization event or retreat, email me [email protected] to get the discussion started.

February 20 - Sales and Marketing Innovators (SAMI) - a virtual group, originally out of Boston, exploring innovation in sales and marketing thinking and approaches

February 26 - B2B Marketing Exchange West - a conference focused on the latest in B2B marketing for companies of all sizes.