When the Divide Feels Personal

One of the questions I frequently hear from audiences when I’m giving a keynote or a training is “how can I talk to people on the other side.”

I’m always careful when I answer this question because I’m not sure what “the other side” is. It’s usually safe to assume it’s about politics but I don’t want to assume the person asking shares my political beliefs and so I start my answer with the following:

“Well, they are human, just like you, so it’s important to recognize and respect their humanity. We all have the right to have our own opinion and way of looking at the world. However we need to come together, share our perspectives, understand the perspective of others and collaborate on solutions.”

It shouldn’t be this hard but it feels like we’ve forgotten how to talk to each other. Not yell, not post, but actually talk.

And according to new data, we’re all feeling it.

In Ignite 360’s 2022 “Navigating to a New Normal” study, Americans told us they were deeply worried about our growing divisions. Right after pocketbook concerns like food (71%), gas (64%), and home energy prices (63%), 62% said they were “fairly or extremely worried” about our inability to overcome differences — ranking it #4 out of 25 national issues.

Fast forward to September 2025: a New York Times/Siena poll of registered voters finds that 64% now believe the U.S. is too politically divided to solve its problems — up from 42% in 2020.

Two different studies. Different audiences. Different questions. Three years apart.
Same signal: we’re losing faith in our ability to bridge divides.

THE VIDEO VERSION

Pocketbooks and Polarization: The Twin Pillars of American Worry

Here’s what the data tells us — from two entirely different lenses:

• In the Ignite 360 data (adults 18+ in the general US population), people’s top concerns were all about what hits home: the prices of food, gas, and energy.

• Yet, right behind those, people named our inability to overcome differences and political polarization.

• In the Times/Siena poll (a survey of registered voters), the same pattern appeared through a political lens: the economy (16%) and polarization/division (13%) emerged as the top two issues — above crime, immigration, or healthcare.

The insight is simple but powerful:
We worry first about our wallets — but right after that, we worry about the walls between us.

It’s expanding concentric circles of concern - our home; our community; the world around us.

It makes sense when you stop to think about it. Of course we will prioritize what effects us most directly. From there, we worry about what is immediately around us. And then the world at large.

And here’s something quietly hopeful:
Even in this era of division, most Americans don’t see the other side as “the enemy.”
Only 10% of Democrats and 14% of Republicans said that in the Times/Siena poll.

That means the majority still sees people on the other side. Not monsters.
That’s what I see as our empathy opportunity.

The Missing Infrastructure

We can’t rebuild connection with outrage.
We can’t rebuild it relying on algorithms, either.
We rebuild connection through conversation.

Even if it means that it’s messy and uncomfortable.

That means it will be human and real.

Empathy gives us a blueprint to rebuild the bridges.

Regular readers know there are The 5 Steps to Empathy which I explore in my book, Tell Me More About That. Each of these steps plays a vital role in building bridges but depending on the situation, the person and where you are in your own day, some of the steps will be more applicable than others.

Here are the 3 that I’m thinking about for these situations…

Step 1: Dismantle judgment.
Notice the snap judgments you make — about who someone voted for, what media they trust, what sticker is on their bumper. Catch the story you’re telling yourself. Consider your biases, prejudice and stereotypes that might be getting in the way. Then pause and ask, “What else might be true if I look at this from a different perspective?”

Step 4: Integrate into understanding.
Make space in your head for the possibility that there’s more than one valid experience. You don’t have to agree — just recognize that it’s there. Get curious, ask the questions and get ready to understand.

Step 5: Use solution imagination.
Once we’ve listened and understood, we can create together — not in spite of our differences, but through them. This step is about taking what you’ve heard and applying it to inform the next question, identifying ways to collaborate and generally seeing the path forward.

Here’s the important thing to remember. And many people get this confused: empathy isn’t agreement.
It’s acknowledgment.
It’s saying, “I see you,” before we try to change each other’s minds. When we stretch into new ways of connecting, we not only become better friends, we become better humans.

What We Can Do Now — Four Human Ways to Bridge the Divide

✅ Talk to people, not posts.
Algorithms are designed to amplify outrage, not understanding. Real conversations build bridges algorithms can’t. Pick up the phone. Make a date. Start a conversation.

✅ Ask the next question.
When you feel defensive, curious, or confused — take a Curious Breath and then ask one more question. Curiosity helps connection rebuild.

✅ Spot your judgments.
You can’t dismantle what you don’t notice. Watch for those small moments of “us vs. them” thinking. Ask yourself where those come from. It will help you dismantle those snap judgments that get in our way.

✅ Start small.
Empathy is a muscle. Practice it at your dinner table, your team meeting, your local coffee shop. The big change starts small and close to home.

A Closing Thought

Empathy won’t erase our differences.
They will always be there.
I’m glad we do have differences.
Life would be boring if we were all the same.

But a well-functioning society requires that we resolve our differences.

We have to build bridges so that we can debate, collaborate and reach compromise.

That is how we will solve the problems that we all face.

Let’s practice seeing one another again.
Building bridges that connect.
Working together to understand and resolve differences.
It’s the only way forward.

Additional Steps You Can Take

• 📊 Take the Friendship Empathy Archetype Quiz thinking of someone you know on the other side. See which empathy style you bring to that relationship and how you might adapt in order to bridge your differences.

• 🎥 Watch the companion video: “Building Bridges”

• 💬 Share your story: when was the last time you changed your mind in conversation?

• 🔗 Post your reflections on LinkedIn or Bluesky — tag a friend who sees the world differently and invite them to start a live conversation

Rob Spotting Update

What an amazing month of keynotes and workshops!

I’ve recently leaned into the idea of the “old tapes” that are playing and inform how we are showing up at work. Audiences have really related to that, particularly because I use familiar bosses from pop culture. So many of them leave a lot to be desired when it comes to being empathetic. I believe that’s part of why they are the villains of their movies and TV shows.

At the end of a conference, the attendees were asked to share what they learned via an app. I was really moved at what came up as the most common refrain…

If you are looking for a dynamic speaker for your team, company or organization to help strengthen business results through the use of empathy, let’s talk. Email me [email protected] and we can discuss your group’s needs and a program that will fit.