When I first learned that Tell Me More About That had been selected as a finalist for the Independent Book Publishers Association’s Benjamin Franklin Awards, I was gobsmacked. I couldn’t believe that the publishing industry had selected my book as one of the best of the year—and now that the ceremony is over, it still hasn’t totally sunk in.

Last Friday, Charles and I attended the awards dinner, where the final results were announced. It was my first awards dinner in a long, long time. The ethnographer in me was fascinated to get a glimpse into the world of indie publishing. But, if I’m being totally honest, the award finalist in me dominated and he was nervous. Here’s my account of the night and the emotional rollercoaster I rode…

Seated at a table with other author finalists, we watched with growing nerves as the hosts guided us through the results of the 57 categories. As our categories came up, we were rooting for our tablemates who we’d gotten to know over the salad course.

The entire crowd—publishers, authors, and +1s—was very supportive. There was applause and cheers for those who won gold, a smile held firm on the faces of the other finalists in the category as we picked at our chicken dinner.

When it was time for my category to be announced, two-thirds of the way through the evening, I had reached a point beyond butterflies. I was vibrating faster than being jittery. There was a knot in my stomach from the anticipation. I imagine this is what it must feel like for the nominees at the Academy Awards.

And then it happened.

Another title was announced as the gold award winner. I clapped enthusiastically, smile on my face, and listened to the winner’s acceptance speech. And then, like the other finalists who had remained seated throughout the night, I exhaled a quiet sigh of disappointment. Like the other finalists, I had hoped for gold.

Tell Me More About That would be a silver award winner for Best Self-Help book of 2022.

Later, I learned from someone at the IBPA that the self-help category was a crowded field with more than 60 entries (nearly double the average of 30 considering 1,900 total entries across the 57 categories). My book was in the top 3 in a packed field with some great titles. And I’m a first-time author, so all of this was totally unexpected. That knowledge helped me turn my perspective around.

Tell Me More About That is a silver award winner for Best Self-Help book of 2022!

I’m proud of this achievement and grateful for the recognition from the publishing industry. I set out to write a book that would inform and inspire people to have the courage to be more empathetic. To be recognized with such a major accolade is beyond the dreams I had when I was writing the book.

And then the next day, I had a moment that put any lingering doubts in perspective for me. A woman stopped us in the hotel hallway. She introduced herself as Magdalena, a teacher from the San Diego area. She shared that she had seen me speak last summer at the American Library Association. She thanked me for how inspiring that talk was, particularly given that it was the day after the Dobbs ruling from the Supreme Court. Magdalena said it was a hard day for her, but my talk helped her feel better and regain her hope.

What had really stood out to her, though, was a moment after the talk had finished. She recounted that I was surrounded by people asking questions, but I wasn’t just focusing on the people trying to dominate the conversation. I looked at others in the crowd, noticed she had something to say and, having read her name tag, called her by name. She commented how kind I was for doing that. Such a small gesture made a big difference for her as she’s more introverted and appreciated being seen.

It was a pleasure to meet you, Magdalena, and thank you for an inspiring reminder of why I wrote Tell Me More About That in the first place and continue to work to get the word out. I’m so happy to be able to connect with people through my writing, and am honored to have my work recognized and appreciated.

Congratulations to all the finalists—gold and silver alike.

HOORAY!!! Tell Me More About That is a silver award winner for Best Self-Help book of 2022!!!

(I’ll have stickers available for your copy of the book later this month. Stay tuned…)

Q&A: How do you center empathy in your relationships when you’re experiencing your own challenges?

“Sometimes I get caught up in the roller coaster of my own life and forget to consider the needs of others.”

This is one of the most common comments I hear from people—that they aren’t as empathetic as they should be because they get too busy, whether at work or at home. This is exactly the time when you should be practicing empathy. If your life feels chaotic, there’s a good chance someone else’s does too.

Until it becomes automatic, approach empathy with intention. Take a curious breath and use the momentary pause to turn your perspective around. Rather than seeing the state of being empathetic as a burden, engage from a place of curiosity, openness and consideration.

Keeping one good question in your pocket will give you the key to go deeper in the conversations with the people around you. “How are you?” is a great question to start with, and one that will feel natural and easy. It allows the person you are talking to the opportunity to steer the conversation to whatever is on their mind. All you need to do is follow along, and encourage them to open up.

Continuing the conversation may sound like a more daunting task. But you can store a few good follow-up questions to use in most scenarios. “Tell me about . . .” is one example. Another would be to ask how the topic of discussion made them feel—“What were you thinking in that moment?” Keep your questions broad. The goal is to get the respondent to reflect, so you want to hold space for any answer.

They say you have to do something consistently for 21 days for it to become a habit. Likewise, enhancing the empathy in your life takes time, awareness, patience and practice. Check in with yourself after you have a conversation. Were you practicing cognitive empathy? What could you have done differently? This practice is like doing reps at the gym—over time they get easier as the muscle strengthens.

Good luck and keep me posted! I always appreciate reading your stories.

Food for Thought: Stepping Into Others’ Shoes, as Them:

Choices Aren’t Always Equivalent

Last weekend, I was struck by David French’s opinion piece “Tucker Carlson’s Dark and Malign Influence Over the Christian Right” in The New York Times. He writes about the influence of Carlson, the conservative Christian movement and how anti-Christian some of the far right’s positions appear to be.

People on the left often ask how people on the right could vote for someone that compromised, but French brilliantly turns it around, asking readers:

“Under what circumstances would you actually vote for your polar political opposite?

How corrupt would a Democratic politician have to be to keep you home, make you vote third-party, or perhaps even cast a vote for a Republican who wants to ban most abortions and nominate Federalist Society lawyers to judgeships?

Honestly exploring these questions can perhaps help you sympathize with Republican Trump voters. When character conflicts with policy, voting choices can be hard.”

(Note: It’s not sympathy you might develop with Republican Trump voters—it’s actually empathy.)

It was a good reminder for me to not step into the shoes of another with my own shoes on. In other words, don’t think about how you would react if you were that person. Be that person.

Ask the question to yourself and explore how you might respond. Then, explore how someone else is responding to gain a better understanding of them.

Boycotts on Both Sides for Bud Light

Just a quick follow-up note on the recent Bud Light boycott among social conservatives from my last newsletter…

According to the latest sales figures I found, Bud Light's sales declined by 21% in April. The CEO of Anheuser-Busch InBev says sales were only down 1% globally, however.

Dylan Mulvaney, the actress and social media star, has come back online and shared a video commenting on how shocked she was at the reaction, especially the need of some to “dehumanize and be cruel. Dehumanization has never fixed anything in history, ever.” Amen!

And now some gay bars in Chicago are dropping Anheuser-Busch products in a boycott of the company’s lack of support over the issue and suspending two marketing executives.

As I wrote about in the last edition, this is a further empathetic failure where Bud Light has let down both of its “friends” and hasn’t come up with the right thing to say to make it right.

This is going to play out for some time, although some articles report that Bud Light is tripling its marketing spend this summer to try to make up for the lost sales.

Will they make amends? Stay tuned…

Reading Between the Lines is a newsletter designed to deliver of-the-moment insights into human behavior and empathy, drawn from the world of marketing research; practical and tactical tips on using the skill of empathy in everyday life; and exclusive updates to keep my community close on a biweekly basis.

I hope you enjoyed this issue. If you know of others that would be interested, I’d appreciate you forwarding this email to them—or inviting them to sign up at the button below. Thank you!

– Rob