Happy Saturday!

Hope this finds you well and thank you for reading this latest edition of Reading Between the Lines.

As we continue to pick up new subscribers (thank you to those that have been forwarding to friends), a reminder of some commitments from me…

1. The story is right here - I don’t do links to take you to read my thoughts, it’s all here. The links are like double clicks to go deeper if you desire

2. I strive to always deliver ‘news you can use’

3. I also share insights into human behavior and subjects I’m thinking about - after all, empathy is about understanding another person’s perspective

4. People like my slice of life moments so I include those - I’m currently in Lisbon, Portugal writing this. More on that next time…

   

   Pastel de Natas are the national pastry/dessert and they are available everywhere but in the old town neighborhood of Belém the pasteleria Pasteis de Belém is particularly notable as they are fresh and warm out of the oven. So popular people line up for them!

5. The Q&A feature is based on questions that actually come up in conversation - please send me yours!

6. I’d like to hear from you - ‘reply’ to this email or reach out to [email protected]

A Few Books I’ve Found Interesting (and Thought You Might Too)

Now that I’ve moved into full-time Empathy Activism I’ve had a little extra time to read. I also had a bout of Covid a couple weeks ago so that gave me some time to catch up on reading I’d started earlier in the year.

Here are three books I recently finished …

1. Speak Up Culture by Stephen Shedletzky

We all hope to work in an organization where people would feel safe to speak up and say something if they knew something was wrong. Sadly, that isn’t always the case and the consequences can be deadly. Stephen “Shed” Shedletsky (who is a fellow Page Two author and my buddy in “swaying” on video calls) starts with the worst case scenario - the Boeing 737-MAX crashes several years ago. He shares what went wrong with the internal culture and then guides the reader through the necessary steps to build a culture where it is ok to speak up - without fear of retaliation or other negative consequences. This is for leaders and managers as well as individual contributors so they can better understand the role they play in speaking up and supporting their colleagues and organization. And yes, empathy plays a big role.

Speak Up Culture just published on Oct 3.

2. No Time to Panic by Matt Gutman

Imagine being great at your job but struggling with intense panic attacks when you are supposed to be ‘in the zone’ of your job doing what you do so well. That’s Matt Gutman, correspondent for ABC News and Good Morning America. I watch him all the time and even follow him on social media. I would never have known he suffered from panic attacks when he is live on air until he wrote this book.

Gutman chronicles his journey to understanding and coming to terms with his panic attacks, eve how to possibly resolve them? I was fascinated by his journey looking into the neuroscience of anxiety and depression as well as the range of eastern, western and unconventional treatments he tried. It’s a pretty fast read and gave me more empathy for people who suffer from panic attacks, which is a much larger portion of the population than most realize. Gutman shared that 1/3rd of ER visits for suspected heart attacks turn out to be panic attacks, yet US emergency medicine isn’t comfortable talking about panic attacks and mental health so it goes undiagnosed.

I did feel like Gutman conflated sympathy and empathy a few times as he talks about his role as a reporter trying to build sympathy with people, when, from my perspective, he’s really trying to build cognitive empathy - understand his subject’s POV and relay that to his audience so they too can understand where someone is coming from and possibly what they are feeling.

No Time to Panic is a fast read and I enjoyed it. If you are curious to learn more about anxiety, panic attacks or what an ayahuasca session is really like, this is a book to check out. Available now.

3. Let Me Explain Black Again by Pepper Miller

Too often we take on a point of view without considering all the context that would provide the most informed perspective. Pepper Miller, a veteran of the insights industry who specializes in helping brands understand Black consumers, has created a blueprint for reaching deeper understanding that is spot on for the Black consumer and I believe can also be applied with any specialized audience by considering the various aspects of context that are the origins of behavior.

Pepper reveals the Blind Spots that people in business have when it comes to “getting” the real Black consumer, employee and other Black people in their life. She expands the reader’s thinking by showcasing the sectors in Black life that are not post-racial but play a vital role in the lives of Black people. She makes it easy to draw comparisons to how it is in these sectors in your own life if you are part of a different community. I also appreciated the specific examples and guidance on what brands and businesses can do in marketing, product development and their relationships with Blacks. Read this book for the connection to the Black consumer and then contemplate how the Blind Spots, has application to Hispanics, Asians, LGBTQ+ and other diverse audiences.

I’m also so honored that Pepper asked to use the 5 Steps to Empathy framework to help readers better understand how to get to a place of empathy, which is critical if you are going to understand an audience.

At the top of my “to-read stack” when I’m back from holiday is The Performance Paradox by Eduardo Briceno. Full disclosure, while I’m very interested in Eduardo’s concepts in his book, he’s also married to my cousin which bumped his book to the front of the line. And I would have taken it with me on vacation but suitcase room was limited and I wanted to read a thriller while I was away. 😊

What are you reading? Any suggestions? Let me know and I’ll share in the next newsletter.

Q&A: I’m too busy to be empathetic.

This is one of the most repeated statements I hear from people talking about empathy in the workplace. It’s too busy, not enough time for me to be empathetic.

I know how busy it can be at work and the pressures to produce and get things done can make it seem like one more task to complete. Instead of thinking of empathy as a thing to do, try approaching it as a way of being. Identify and begin using empathetic language (provided it’s a genuine sentiment) in your communication with colleagues. “I can see your point of view” or “I can imagine this is…” and then restate where they are coming from. Begin using those phrases so they become reflexive and the empathetic understanding behind it will be become a natural response.

If you are worried about not having enough time to use these six or seven word phrases, think about how much time and effort is consumed when communication doesn’t land, there isn’t clarity or alignment, and how much work goes into regaining cohesion. That’s the time loss that you want to avoid and empathy is the ability to help you.

In other words, it’s not that you are too busy to be empathetic, it’s that you are too busy not to be empathetic.

A Wholehearted Conversation

I recently had the pleasure of joining Coen Tan on his podcast Wholehearted Leadership. Coen and I had a powerful conversation about the significance of empathy in leadership. We delved into how empathy can be a crucial skill for leaders like us when we're navigating significant changes within our organizations, especially during the pandemic. During our discussion, we explored themes like intuition, attentive listening, self-awareness, and how we both believe that empathy is truly the secret sauce that adds flavor to the dish of life!

Give it a listen:

A New Team of Empathy Activists Steps Forward!

A big ‘thank you’ to the McCain Foods global insights team who invited me to give a talk about empathy in the insights function. Many read my book ahead of time and after a forty minute presentation we had a great discussion about applying empathy at work, the social differences across cultures and how to adapt, and the age old question about how to deal with leaders that aren’t being empathetic.

I hope you liked this edition.

Please pass it along to someone you know that might also enjoy it. Either forward this email or invite them to subscribe at the click of the button below.

Reading Between the Lines delivers of-the-moment insights into human behavior and empathy, drawn from the world of marketing research and an empathy activist; expect practical tips on using the skill of empathy in everyday life and exclusive updates to keep my community close. All on a biweekly basis.