Looking back over my career, I was lucky enough to be mentored mostly by women who displayed, especially in my early years, true empathy—and fostered safe spaces for me to show up as my full self.

Back in those days, working for women leaders who held remarkable EQ gave me permission to learn, make mistakes, and find my way under their care. As an astute observer and soon-to-be out and proud member of the LGBTQ+ community in the early 90s, I learned vital lessons in equity, inclusion, and allyship—with healthy doses of flair and fun, to be sure.

As you may know, March is Women’s History Month. So, to celebrate, I thought it apt to share gratitude to a trio of women who shaped my professional journey indelibly, and what I learned from them that I still carry with me today.

In my junior and senior years of high school in Indiana, I worked as an office cadet for Ms. Nancy (Reason) Dezelan, who was the principal’s secretary. In this role, I would make copies and run various errands around the school. And while that might sound like rote work, Nancy made the job fun. Always greeting with a big friendly smile, the trust and care she showed her cadets instilled in us a sense of responsibility—and her penchant for laughter taught me that the tedious doesn’t have to be terrible. Nancy, thank you for providing me with a home away from home in those wilderness years before “the real world.”

While at Syracuse University, I found myself spending my summer breaks in DC (where my parents had moved). After a disastrous afternoon going door to door soliciting charitable donations (a story for another newsletter, if you’d like to hear it), I found a job working for Candy Won, who ran the convention office at the American Psychological Association. I assisted Candy and a colleague in the execution details of the annual conference and its job placement service. I learned a great deal about customer service, as I had to field phone calls from upset psychologists who were late booking travel and didn’t get their choice of hotel, among other crises. I heard a lot of “Don’t you know who I am?!” and often I didn’t. Sometimes they actually were “important” and other times just “self-important.”

Candy, as the convention director, took care of her team. She took me under her wing and invited me along to dinner at nice restaurants and we had many long talks about life, work, and pop culture. Despite the occasional stress, Candy always kept a sense of humor and maintained grace and style, even during the busiest times. Candy, I still strive to model your example when the going gets tough—in style with a proper touch of laughter.

Following college, I moved to LA and Pamela J. Baron brought me on as her legal secretary at Fox Broadcasting and later took me with her as she transitioned to a role at HBO. Pam was navigating her personal life and helped me understand more about vulnerability in the workplace, and that there was, in fact, a place for it. We were very close, and she was the first manager I came out to. I will never forget the support, care, and acceptance that you showed me, Pamela.

If I were to list all of the remarkable women who have impacted my life through care, mentorship, and empathy, this newsletter would continue to go on—and I should save some tributes for future editions. In the meantime, to Nancy, Candy, and Pamela, thank you for sharing your minds and hearts with me and thereby showing me the way.

In celebration of Women’s History Month, which leader’s mentorship has most influenced you professionally?

I’d love to know. Please reply to this email to share your gratitude!

Who are more likely to be empathetic:

men or women?

The saying has become cliche about one gender being from one planet and the other being from another. And sure, some divisions do exist due to nature as well as nurture. But what about empathy? If it’s something we are born with, who has the stronger empathy muscle?

Since empathy is a core trait that enhances many skills, the way it shows up is varied and somewhat elusive to measure. That said, I’m always one to try. As part of Ignite 360’s Navigating to a New Normal study, ongoing since April 2020, we’ve explored empathy in a quantitative way to see what we can learn.

I decided, as a starting point, to ask if someone could agree with the statement, “I can easily see the point of view of others.” This statement of cognitive empathy is based on the question the University of Michigan researchers studied back in 2010 when they first identified the 40% decline in empathy among college students from 1979-2009.

In May 2021 (n=1000), the % of people who could not agree with that statement was 31%—nearly one-third. In subsequent waves in January 2022 (n=1000) and September 2022 (n=1500), we’ve seen the number drop to 29% and more recently 27%. Still, it’s a large number if you consider that a quarter of the people you run into today will not be able to easily see your point of view. But definitely progress!

What about the gender difference?

In late January, with a total pop of 29%, 33% of men were unable to agree with the statement while 24% of women were unable. The gap narrowed in September with 27% of men and 26% of women with 27% of the total unable to agree with the statement.

What I’m discovering with empathy is that we need to dig in deeper to find the differences. One area that was pronounced was among people who are managers or above at work. In January 2022, of men who were managers or above, 31% were unable to easily see the point of view of others while only 15% of women disagreed with that statement. The difference was similarly pronounced when looking at people who were workers – skilled, casual, or manual – although the % was higher, 38% of men couldn’t agree, and 22% of women.

Turning that around, 69% of male managers agree they could easily see the point of view of others, while 85% of women felt they could easily see the perspective of others.

I have a few theories as to why that is—the way boys are raised, male stereotypes of what it means to be a boss, etc. Would love to know your thoughts.

And it makes me reflect on the women that “raised me” in the workplace and in my personal life, and how it helped keep me firmly rooted in being able to see the point of view of other people.

I’m curious, what other empathy data or audience cuts would you like to see? I’d love to explore together.

Food for Thought:

Can empathy close the gender gap?

When used properly, empathy can help eliminate inherent biases, pay discrepancies, and false perceptions—in both our personal and professional lives. Perspective-sharing and stepping into the proverbial shoes of others can play major roles in establishing equity among us.

As allies and empathy activists, I encourage us to consider the following questions, in both virtual and in-person workplaces:

→ Am I holding equal space for all in the room?

→ If someone is cut off or slighted in the room, will I step in and let them speak?

→ Have I considered the roles those in the room carry outside of the office—including single parents and caretakers—and how these factor into sustainable work-life balance?

→ As a leader, how transparent is my organization with pay equity?

While these are just the start, we all have a part to play in establishing equality among all, and no voice is too small to make an impact.

Rob Featured in Marketing with Empathy’s

Top 4 Empathy Convos!

Did you know that empathy is a major 🔑 in business to be more persuasive, communicate, and help consumers connect to your brand?

Sarah Panus, what a treat it is to be included among the #Top4 of your last 100 episodes of Marketing with Empathy podcast!

Might I suggest having a little empathy with your coffee (or evening beverage, depending upon the time you read this) today and streaming Sarah’s “Top 4 Empathy Convos of the Last 2 Years” below? 👇

And congratulations on 100 episodes!

Reading Between the Lines is a newsletter designed to deliver of-the-moment insights into human behavior and empathy, drawn from the world of marketing research; practical and tactical tips on using the skill of empathy in everyday life; and exclusive updates to keep my community close on a biweekly basis.

I hope you enjoyed this issue. If you know of others that would be interested, I’d appreciate you forwarding this email to them—or inviting them to sign up at the button below. Thank you!

— Rob