Happy Saturday!

Let’s start with a big welcome to all the new subscribers of Reading Between the Lines! This community grew more than 30% in the past two weeks! Thanks to everyone who shared the last newsletter and also those who joined from my emails and social media posts announcing the news of my transition to full-time Empathy Activist and part-time Chairman/Founder of Ignite 360!

I’m so glad you are here and made the choice to sign-up for this bi-weekly newsletter.

A few commitments from me regarding this newsletter…

1. I’m not a fan of teasing readers with headlines and then a link sending you elsewhere with yet another tab opening in your browser. In this newsletter I share the full story and thought in the newsletter itself. The links I do share are meant to add context or provide a “double-click” to learn more.

2. I strive to deliver “news you can use” about how to put empathy to work in your daily life, either at work or at home.

3. I will also share insights into human behavior, including my own. Empathy is about understanding others and that’s what I’m always trying to do.

4. Slice of life moments are included, particularly when something happens that I think you might find interesting or funny. For example, I find people have always been fascinated by how much I travel for work and what that lifestyle is like. For instance, notice the view from my hotel room where I’m currently writing this piece…

   

5. The Q&A feature is based on actual questions readers submit or that come up in my conversations around empathy.

6. I’d like to hear from you - just ‘reply’ to this email and it magically works its way directly to my inbox - or email me directly - [email protected] - with your thoughts and questions - even a question that could seem “annoying” like my friend Chris has promised to do. 😃 

My Voyage To Empowerment

If you’ve heard me speak about empathy, you may have heard me reference it as an ‘E’ word that people are afraid of, like Emotion. Empathy is something people get uncomfortable with. I attribute it to the lack of understanding of what it is, how to use it, and societal models that have taught generations that empathy is not part of the path to ‘winning’.

The ‘E’ word analogy came to me as a reference to the E ticket ride designations at Walt Disney theme parks during my childhood. The E tickets were the rides that were the newest, most exhilarating and to my young park-goer self, the most scary. Empathy is like an E ticket ride. It is scary to many but when you experience having empathy with another or receiving empathy, it can feel incredible because you are being seen, heard and understood.

There’s another ‘E’ word — Empowerment - that can also make people squirm uncomfortably in their seats. What comes to mind when you think of ‘empowerment’?

If I’m being honest, the cis-gender white man part of my brain reacts to the word with a glimmer of “oh that’s not good” while the gay-identifying person inside me shouts “hell yeah!” and draws on memories of Pride marches, protests over George Floyd’s murder, the recent women’s marches and the history of struggle for civil rights and equality. All activities seeking to bring about positive change by recognizing and empowering our differences.

Perhaps Empowerment is an E word for you as well? If it is, that’s ok. Recognizing where there is tension or discomfort is an important first step to moving forward and through to a better place. We want to be able to understand our differences and where we may feel strength or empowerment in those differences and where we may feel disempowered. Then, we can use our empowerment to help others who may not feel or be empowered in the same ways and improve our own empowerment in the differences where we don’t feel as empowered.

Bringing awareness to all of this and how the pieces fit together is what the Voyage of Empowerment is all about. I’m proud and honored to have my first formal Empathy Activist speaking engagement as well as sponsorship be part of the 2023 VoE which sailed this past week from New York to Bermuda and back.

When Empowering Differences founder, Ashley T Brundage, first told me about her vision for the Voyage of Empowerment, it was fall 2021. Ashley was about to make the commitment and sign the contract with the cruise line. As she shared details, the ‘white man voice’ in me wasn’t sure what I was getting into but the ‘gay voice’ was urging me to lean in. So I signed up to attend in 2022, which was such a positive experience I agreed to sponsor this year’s voyage.

I’m so glad I listened to the voice that urged me to take the leap. (And I’ve chosen to use the ‘white man’ and ‘gay’ voice descriptions as a way to bring to life the internal struggle between aspects of me that may reflect conflicting views. It is not meant to stereotype or characterize every white man or gay man thinking a certain way, just how I sort it out in my own mind while writing this, right or wrong.)

By listening to the voice that encouraged taking a chance, I’ve grown as a person each time I’ve gone - not just from listening to presentations and panels but even more from the conversations over dinner or on a shore excursion with fellow participants. I’m exposed to stories of lived experiences that are very different from my own yet, when I really listen and integrate into understanding, I can see that at the core we are more similar than different. We are all looking to be seen and heard for who we are and for that to be enough.

While on the inside we all share these same desires and values, our differences are what make us distinctly ourselves and it can be a source of strength and joy if we let it.

Here’s how Empowering Differences works, in my own words, and if you are interested in learning more, either email me and I’ll connect you to Ashley or visit their website.

Ashley identified through her research that there are 10 attributes that are typically viewed as our “differences”: ability, age, class, education, ethnicity, gender, language, race, religion and sexuality. In her online self-assessment tool, you reflect on each of these and identify how empowered or disempowered you are for each of these.

For example, I feel pretty fully empowered in race (white) and gender (male) so I would slide my answer closer to 100 on a 0-100 scale, for fully empowered. When it comes to age, I don’t feel fully empowered - that’s because as I near 55 I realize some people may start to hold it against me. I haven’t personally experienced ageism but I’ve seen it happen and know it’s out there. In my head, I don’t feel fully empowered on age. But countering that is the empowerment I feel because of the wisdom and maturity age has provided. So I rated myself as mostly empowered.

For sexuality, I give myself a fully empowered because I’ve long believed that being gay is a strength and I’m proud of it and I feel empowered by it. Like age, someone could use it against me but I don’t feel held back by being gay while I do have some tentativeness about age.

After completing the assessment and receiving your score and report, Ashley has a 4 step action plan - Know Yourself, Know Others, Develop a Strategy, Take Action. Empathy plays a huge role in this as it does in many of the Empowering Actions which is part of why I was so drawn to Ashley’s mission in the first place.

There are 10 Empowering Actions and you draw on these to empower yourself or empower others based on the score of the differences. The actions are: 1. Empower; 2. Inspire; 3. Educate; 4. Inclusion; 5. Motivate; 6. Invest; 7. Mentor; 8. Influence; 9. Access; 10. Enlighten.

My talk on Activating Empathy was tied to the second action, Inspire, even though empathy plays a part in most of the Empowering Actions as well as knowing yourself and knowing others.

The Inspire action is about using story to motivate and help others. So to put it all together… I leveraged my difference of education - I feel empowered by my knowledge of empathy - to share that information with the group to help inspire them to use empathy so that they better know themselves and others, which will help them be more empowered and empower others. That is an example of Empowering Differences.

But like I said, it was those unscripted moments that really touched me and delivered so much value because it was in those moments we were empowering each other in a manner more akin to day to day life versus sitting in a conference room.

And Bermuda was gorgeous, it was my first visit and I’m glad I went.

One of many highlights was when my new friend Hannah and I went for a long hot sweaty walk through Hamilton to Back-of-Town (pronounced “Baccaton”) in search of what I had been told was the best fish sandwich on the island at Art Mel’s Spicy Dicy. The walk took us through Hamilton and past churches and schools and homes that are off the beaten path. On arrival, having completely sweated through our clothes, we found a delicious sandwich with batter fried chunks of fish plus onions, coleslaw, tarter sauce, some hot sauce served on raisin bread which cuts the savory heat. Along the way Hannah and I had a deep discussion about empathy and how it plays out in DEI spaces and with ERGs in corporations. We also paused to rehydrate at Ashley’s Lemonade Stand in the middle of Hamilton on our walk back to the ferry.

The destination of the 3rd annual Voyage of Empowerment hasn’t been announced yet but I’m sure to be there to further my understanding and growth. I’ll share a link next issue to the recording so you can check it out for yourself.

Q&A: What is ‘radical empathy’ and how do I use it?

Great question and glad to be able to help clarify one of the dimensions of empathy. From what I know, “radical empathy” was popularized most recently by Terri Givens although I’ve found an earlier use by Peter Laughter in a TEDx Fulton Street Talk in 2015.

Laughter describes Radical Empathy as the use of curiosity in a moment of heightened emotions to apply empathy. It’s like taking a ‘curious breath’ and moving out of your emotional reaction in order to respond and use empathy to solve a problem.

Givens advocates taking action using radical empathy - including being open and grounded to understanding others, building empathy and putting that into action to bring about change. Her work stems from the social justice space while Laughter was discussing interpersonal interactions.

What both Givens and Laughter advocate is that we should do something with our empathy. Instead of passively having empathy and not utilizing it, put it to action through communication, collaboration, problem-solving, forgiveness and all the other things that empathy empowers. Whether you call it radical empathy or not, putting empathy into action is what’s important.

The Rock n Roll Research Podcast

Industry veteran Matt Valle has a not-so-secret life as a musician and so it’s no surprise he launched The Rock n Roll Research podcast. What stood out to me as a guest and I hope you enjoy about this episode is how Matt goes beyond the usual and asks about origin stories. I shared some of the critical moments in my life that ultimately put me on the path to marketing research and now beyond that to where I stand today.

Tentative Steps Made Easier with Empathy

Sometimes it takes a friend with empathy to help you overcome an obstacle.

During an afternoon on Horseshoe Beach in Bermuda during the Voyage of Empowerment, Zainab, a woman from Nigeria who has been studying in Boston and a member of the Voyage, was experiencing the ocean and the idea of swimming for the very first time. She was intrigued but hesitant to enter the water.

That’s when Jules, another participant, who grew up in the water swimming and water skiing in Pennsylvania, reached out and gently escorted Zainab on her first tentative steps into the water. Success!

Soon, Zaylore and Mary came forward to further assist Zainab in navigating the waves.

Zainab’s delight was evident. I spoke with her when she returned to shore and she reported feeling nothing but joy throughout her body. She later returned for more splashing and paddling around with more members of our group.

We use empathy to foster compassion which leads to action. Like helping someone experience the ocean for the first time.

I hope you liked this edition.

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Reading Between the Lines delivers of-the-moment insights into human behavior and empathy, drawn from the world of marketing research and an empathy activist; expect practical tips on using the skill of empathy in everyday life and exclusive updates to keep my community close. All on a biweekly basis.