Hello friends!

Today we’re talking about the 3G’s: Gender, Generations, and Geography.

So, is there a gender difference when it comes to empathy? The answer is “yes, but it’s complicated.”

Since empathy is an inherent trait that enhances many skills, the way it shows up is varied and somewhat elusive to measure. That said, I’m always one to try. As part of Ignite 360’s Navigating to a New Normal study, ongoing since April 2020, we’ve explored many topics, including empathy in both qualitative and quantitative ways.

We decided, as a starting point, to ask if someone could agree with the statement, “I can easily see the point of view of others.” This statement of cognitive empathy is based on the question the University of Michigan researchers studied back in 2010 when they first identified the 40% decline in empathy among college students from 1979-2009.

In January 2022, we put that question to 1,000 US adults and the results show 29% of the total survey population said they were neutral or not able to agree with the statement. Imagine! That nearly 1/3 of the adults you run into daily are unable to see your POV, which is cognitive empathy.

When we looked at the data to see if there was a difference by gender, we found men were less likely to easily see others point of view (33%) while women reported to be more empathetic (24% neutral or disagreed). Unfortunately we didn’t have enough non-binary identifying participants to have a readable sample.

While everyone is born with the ability to have empathy, it appears that men might be more removed than women from easily seeing someone’s point of view. But is that a blanket statement or is there nuance? Like any good research project, we peeled the onion another layer to see what that might reveal.

One area that caught our attention was among people in manager roles or above at work. Of men in those roles, 31% were unable to easily see the point of view of others compared to 38% of men in skilled, casual or manual worker roles. Both numbers are higher than the total population (29%) and much higher than women, whether in manager or above roles (15%) or women in skilled, casual or manual roles (22%).

While there is a difference in empathy between men and women, it seems that being in a managerial role, where you might have to more actively use empathy to oversee colleagues and employees drove an even larger divide.

Does this data prove that men really are from Mars and women are from Venus? Not in a literal sense, but there is clearly something that is restraining the male empathy muscle.

What is causing this challenge for American men? Hint: It starts in boyhood.

Boys don’t cry.

Man up.

It’s no secret that men are conditioned not to show their emotions openly. These societal expectations are modeled over and over again throughout our lives across generations and continents. There’s immense pressure to conform to traditional masculine ideals and emotional vulnerability is strictly labeled a weakness.

We see the effects show up in the workplace, in romantic relationships, and even in friendships with other males with the example of side-by-side friendships vs face-to-face friendships. This conditioning impacts our emotional empathy, a crucial component of understanding others.

While it is more socially acceptable for women to display empathy and emotions, they do run into a barrier all the way over on the other side of being labeled "too emotional.”

The data from this study made me reflect on the women that “raised me” in the workplace and in my personal life, and how it helped keep me firmly rooted in being able to see the point of view of other people. While I was born with empathy, I was raised in environments and had role models that showed me it was ok to express emotion and have empathy with others.

How can we help others?

Recently, there was this interesting article in the Washington Post about how men’s groups are forming across the country to create space for emotion, connection, and masculinity to coexist. Men are giving each other permission to feel their feelings. How powerful is that?

Fostering empathy requires creating safe spaces for emotional expression, regardless of gender. Here are a few ways we can encourage those around us to feel comfortable opening up:

• Hold space for them to ask questions

• Refrain from judgment in your reply

• Model what it looks like to open up in a safe space

• Recognize and appreciate displays of empathy and vulnerability in others

• Understand and value these qualities as strengths

The challenge for all of us lies in striking a balance between the rational and the emotional, learning how to mix the two sides together to find harmony. A middle ground where we aren’t from Mars or Venus, but show up as humans.

Q&A: How do you see generational understanding of empathy playing out in the workplace?

There’s no clear cut answer that shows that one generation is more or less empathetic than others although I believe lifestage plays a role.

Without getting into all the numbers, the data from the study I referenced earlier found that there is a ‘U’-shaped curve in the inability to easily see another’s point of few. It’s high in the 18-24 age group and again in the 65+ cohort.

When I think about this, it makes sense because in those younger ages we are still trying to define ourselves, find our tribe and our place in the world. It’s very much about ‘me’ instead of ‘we’ and anyone that is ‘other’ is looked down upon. As we get older, we gain wisdom as we are exposed to different individuals and lifestyles thru work and social interactions. If our empathy muscles are strong, we’ll have less difficulty connecting with people. Then, as we age, we become more rigid. I think of the phrase “kids today” and an image of an elderly person shaking their head in disbelief at something someone younger is doing. As we age, we can become more rigid in our thinking and fearful of differences as our virility and strength to defend ourselves wanes.

Another interesting data point from the January 2022 work. Younger men, in their 20s, were more likely to seek empathy from their managers while women were more prone to desire empathy in their 30s. I attribute this to women looking for understanding as they balance the work of parenting and career and carry more of that burden than men. The younger men are seeking their mentors to help them out as they get started with their careers. It doesn’t mean that women aren’t doing this too, but the numbers popped for men in that age group.

What have you noticed about empathy across the generations? Let me know and be sure to submit more questions!

Empathy Around the World

The human need for connection and understanding spans across oceans, political boundaries and languages. The specific ways in which we express empathy may vary slightly based on cultural traditions, but there is no doubt that the Empathy Crisis is a global issue. Recently I had a fascinating conversation with Coen Tan and Febronia Ruocco about empathetic leadership around the world.

During a Zoom call that took place across 3 continents (Coen resides in Singapore and Febronia joined us from the UK) we found that there are many more similarities than differences regarding empathy. Financial uncertainties, civil unrest, the aftermath of the Covid-19 pandemic, and the growing physical divide due to the rise of social media is affecting everyone... it’s no wonder the thirst for connection is palpable around the world.

I loved what Coen suggested as the solution forward: storytelling. By sharing our individual stories, even via social media, we create the chance for others to find similarities and connection as well. I hope you’ll tune in.

One Conversation at a Time

Thank you again to the Rocky Mountain Chapter of QRCA for the warm welcome to Denver. In the middle of a loud, trendy downtown workspace we were able to engage in an intimate conversation about the importance of practicing empathy while conducting research and helping clients understand their consumers, how we find opportunities to practice the 5 Steps with our clients, and even shared personal experiences and thoughts on finding empathy with ourselves as human beings.

What an amazing group of people!

I hope you liked this edition. Please pass it along to someone you know that might also enjoy it. Either forward this email or invite them to subscribe at the click of the button below.

Reading Between the Lines is a newsletter designed to deliver of-the-moment insights into human behavior and empathy, drawn from the world of marketing research; practical and tactical tips on using the skill of empathy in everyday life; and exclusive updates to keep my community close on a biweekly basis.